Be the CEO of your Life!

Being an independent person is one of the most valuable and most rewarding assets you could ever have in your life. Taking charge of your own life and of your own existence should empower you to do and be a better person in life, because there is always room for improvement. 

I see it everyday, in family and friends...people who depend on others. Independence does not come easy. It takes a lot of hard work and it takes a certain confidence in yourself to be able to step out into the world on your own. From purchasing your first car to buying your first home, being independent is so rewarding. I like to say that when you work hard and strive for the best, then there isn't anything you can't achieve. When you invest your time in schooling and/or your career, that's how you get ahead. Being independent and in control of your life, however, comes from within. 

Being an independent person doesn't just mean achieving our materialistic wants, it also means achieving self awareness. Knowing who you are and what defines you. Knowing that no one but yourself can define the person you are. The gratification of knowing what it means to love yourself outweighs the momentary gratification of having a materialistic item. As people say...money isn't everything; but self empowerment on the other hand, will give you happiness for the rest of your life. In order to start feeling and being independent, I believe it takes knowing who you are and being self aware of your love for yourself.

For those who don't know how to gain independence follow my advice and hear these words when I say, go boldly in the direction you seek. If you see yourself in a situation that is holding you back, then do what you need to, to move forward from it. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that there are some who were raised in an abusive and/or controlling environment. For these people, I must urge you to recognize that those environments and those people do NOT define you. They do not decide what you do with the rest of your life, nor do they dictate your thoughts. Be the best you, empower yourself, surround yourself with positive, strong, independent people. Those people are the ones who will empower you and encourage you, not bring you down or remind you of your past. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Meg Jay, "The unlived life is not worth examining". Don't look back, only look forward. 

It's hard to imagine yourself in a place in your life you are unfamiliar with. It's hard to envision yourself being someone your are currently not. But gaining your independence doesn't happen over night. For me, it took a little therapy because I needed help examining my life and figuring out who I was. Then I started to read books upon books, and articles. All of which were about being independent, loving yourself, letting go of the negative aspects in your life, what defines you, and how to take all that information and utilize it in your life. If you put forth both the effort and time, I guarantee you, it will be rewarding. There's no better feeling than waking up every day of your life and feeling an inner peace in your heart and mind. Whether you are spiritual, religious or neither, finding that inner peace is a gratifying feeling. 

Independence comes from within and from taking control over your life. Once you have that control of your inner peace and your life, it's time to announce your independence because you've done it. You've learned what it means to go through life not only empowering yourself, but empowering others as well. Most importantly, you've been through many lows to get to these great highs and you now know what defines you. Once you know what it is to have all of this, you're independent, you're strong, and you're the CEO of your own life. Embrace it.

Why Your Twenties Matter

When you are in your twenties, I think there comes a point in your life where you have to just stop and examine your life. Where am I going? What am I going to do for my career? Am I going to get married and settle down right away? Should I just take a job that I hate but will pay me well? Should I have kids soon or wait until my thirties? Or can I just cruise through my twenties and then start life?

These are just a few of many questions that go through the mind of a twenty something year old person. As a person who is in her twenties (23 going on 24 in a few months), I know what it feels like to feel lost and feel somewhat stuck in life. It's an unsettling feeling and it can be very stressful. 

I see this most in the following two categories of people in their twenties: The ones who just graduated college or grad school and don't know what they want to do with their degree and are possibly still living at home. And the ones who go from job to job or have a mediocre job; are struggling to make ends meet and don't know how to go back to college or don't know what direction to go in. 

It can be really hard and even depressing. After reading an amazing book, feeling this way myself, and doing some soul searching, I stopped thinking that way. I'm going after things I want. I am working hard and saving up money, I have a 5 year plan and I will meet my goals. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take some time. But there are things I plan to accomplish before I turn 30. And I want to be at a certain place in my life by the time I'm 26. It's going to take a lot of motivation and a lot of focus. At the end of the day, it's all about determination, dedication, and devotion. I plan to succeed in all three areas. 

The book I read was an eye opener. Written by a clinical psychologist who was also a clinical professor at the University of Virginia; Meg Jay studied twentysomethings for most of her career. It was her focus and and she spent years understanding people in their twenties and everything about them and their lives. The book is called "The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now". She goes on about several clients she has over the years and examining the differences between clients in their twenties and thirties. One of Meg Jay's points is that so many people think that our thirties are our defining decade. But we are so wrong- it's actually our twenties that matter. Believe it or not, a lot of people believe the defining decade is their thirties; even I did. Until I read this life changing book. 

What stood out most to me, was that she speaks about how these defining moments are already happening in our twenties, and how most of us don't even recognize them. She goes on to say that the book is about recognizing these moments that define us in our twenties and how to make the most of them right now. For those who don't think our twenties matter, I urge you to re-evaluate that thought process and realize that they really do! Read her book; it really puts some things into perspective, and it will possibly change your mind set on your own life, as it did for me. 

Re-evaluate where you are in your life, stop and think about what's going on in your life. From your relationships with family members, your hobbies and interests, your friends, your career, and your goals in life. Trust me when I say you will thank me for introducing you to my blog and to Meg Jay's book, and you will thank Meg Jay also for writing that book. 

What I love most about her philosophy is that she thinks differently than your typical psychologist. She went against what most therapists would tell their clients and she expresses such strong and powerful beliefs in her philosophies on therapy. The following quote is one of my favorites from her book. 

     "The unlived life is not worth examining" -Sheldon Kopp

Every time I read it, I feel the power in that message and its meaning. It means that we shouldn't look back at the life we haven't lived, but only look at the life we can start to live. 

Understanding Women

Recently one of my followers asked me to write about understanding women. I decided to do some fun research by asking both men and women what type of facts they wanted me to address. Understanding women can be difficult to dissect, while men are also just as difficult; but that's a whole other blog.

For centuries men have asked this question and they will continue to for centuries to come. At last, I'm here to tell you just how to understand women. The answer is...wait for it...there is no answer. All women are different, therefore breaking down every single part of a woman's logic, reasoning, actions, thoughts, motives, emotions, and anatomy is just down right impossible. What I can tell you is that a woman is the only person who will decide how easy or hard it is to understand them. Every woman decides how much of them they want to show; and in a lot of cases, women don't even understand themselves.

As a woman, I can tell you that it is true that a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Meaning that we will always have some secrets or events in our life that will stay with us forever and never be shared. I can tell you that we can and will be difficult at times when we are NOT on our period. Sometimes you men just drive us crazy, or sometimes we are trying to tell you something. Listen, observe, and give us space if we need it or lend a shoulder if we need it. Women want to feel loved and be loved. Even the most independent, single, and self-aware woman wants to be loved. Women want men to listen to them. It's really simple. We talk about our day, you listen; and vice-a-versa. When we want to be left alone, sometimes we really just want to be alone and other times we are really just asking for attention. Use your best judgment on the situation. Did you just have a fight with her about something small and petty? Then go comfort her. Did you just have a big fight about a serious issue? Give her time to think.

Women are usually more emotional during sex, with the exception of the few who feel nothing and just want to bang you. We like the chemistry, the passion, and yes we like to have fun. But sometimes we want to take it slow and make love. Other times we want passionate, wild sex. It's just who we are. But, sex is more emotional for us in that we tend to feel when we're having sex. So naturally, this is why we become attached sometimes after having sex. A lot of men wonder why a woman becomes so attached after popping her cherry. For most women, their first time is really special, and we hope it's with someone we love and someone who really loves us back. When a woman is with a guy she loses her virginity to, she tends to feel a little clingy at first. Why? Because she just experienced one of the most important days in her life with you. You are the first guy she ever felt so comfortable with. You are the first guy to see her most intimate side and her most vulnerable side. Sex isn't just sex to most woman. It's something deep and personal and we really do think that whoever gets to experience it with us is the luckiest guy alive. If you are in a serious relationship, make sure you make it known how lucky you are to have her.

Guys will NEVER understand what we go through during that time of the month. Nor will you understand what it's like to feel so hormonal. Believe it or not, sometimes we don't know why we get so angry or cry. Our hormones are so out of whack that even we wonder why we just cried uncontrollably at the homeless dog we see everyday on our way to work. We see that dog every day but today we took one look and just sobbed like a baby. And we have no clue why. It sounds funny and it is, but it's something we can't control. Why do we get so angry or annoyed easily? Because of those darn hormones. Do not, i repeat do not try to tell us to suck it up or to get over it when we are hurting, angry, sad, crying, or annoyed. You will see the wrath of Satan inside us. No really, some form of him will come out. All joking aside, some women get very ill during that time of the month. Any part of our body can ache or hurt. What's the best thing to do for us during our period? Be there for us. Offer up a massage or a draw us a bath with candles for us to relax. A warm bath with Epsom salt is a great remedy. If you see us crying, just bring us the box of tissues, don't laugh and don't question it. Don't do anything to anger us. Avoid off topics and if you know what annoys us already, then don't provoke us. Sometimes, it's best to stay away from us all together.

I wont address the immaturity in women and those who play games. What I will address is the women who know what they want. If you are in a mature relationship then chances are you are already with a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't beat around the bush. These are the type of women you men want to surround yourself with. Then there won't be any confusion or nothing complicated about them. A woman who knows what she wants, is much easier to understand. So guys, pay attention, listen up...you won't ever completely understand women. But to get a better understanding about us, you have to have patience, have sympathy, and if you have any questions just ask us! Talk to us, and communicate with us.

Unfortunately there is so much one can write about this topic but that would most likely turn into a book. Women are hard to understand at times, but when you're paired with a good one, it becomes a little easier. What I suggest is not listening to your friends experiences, because every woman is different. No two woman are alike. Stop listening to your bro that says, "women will always be women". Whatever that idiotic statement is supposed to mean; its NOT true and never will be. The biggest mistake men make is listening to other men who think they know it all or think they have all the 411 on women. Sorry to break it to you guys, but I have yet to meet a guy who completely understands a woman. Plus, as I said before, no two women are alike. So you can't base one guy's opinion off of his experiences with women because they are all different.

I personally believe that men aren't meant to understand women completely. Just as we are not meant to fully understand men. There is some level of understanding we should have for each other. To get to this understanding, refer to your own experiences with women. Never have the belief that all women are the same. Never compare.

I'll leave you with some wise words:
     "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood" -Oscar Wilde

Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

Waterfront Fireworks

It's the 4th of July and the scene from Downtown San Diego is bumper to bumper traffic, all streets near the harbor and Seaport Village are closed off for pedestrians and people from all around come to enjoy the spectacular Big Bay Boom fireworks show. It's the biggest fireworks display west of Mississippi, and the best 4th of July event on the West coast. 

The city prepares 13,000 pounds of fireworks on 4 different barges around the San Diego Bay for a 21 minute show. People come from all over the United States and from different parts of the world to see the show that make your eyes glow with red, white, and blue lights. Best seen from Seaport Village, Harbor Island, the Broadway Pier, the Embarcadero, or Coronado, the show stretches across the waters of the bay to impress onlookers all around. 

Last year I had the once in a lifetime chance to see the show, in basically VIP seats from a gorgeous Yacht, anchored in the middle of the bay. A family friend generously offered my family and friends his yacht to cruise around the bay all day and into the night. So with about 20 people on board, plenty of delicious food and drinks to last us all day, we launched from a pier in Glorrietta Bay. We cruised all around the bay, then eventually set the anchor with views of Coronado on our left and the heart of Downtown San Diego on our right. I have never seen a more beautiful sight of our skyline than I did on that day. 

Once 9pm came around, the music started and so did the show. The pictures you see below don't compare to our actual view, althought a camera never perfectly captures the eyes view. The first firework went up in the air and exploded with a big boom. It was beautiful. You could physically feel each burst of firework. That's how close we were. And to see them we had to look strait above us. Not to mention that you could see the other fireworks shooting up in the air from the surrounding barges. It was a view like no other. I'll never forget the look on everyone's faces. Here we were, all adults and everyone stared in awe as though we were all kids for that moment, amazed with the lights and the overwhelming sound. 

Pictures from our Yacht taken by me.
           My personal favorite is this one

So for your next Fourth of July, if you are looking for something new and exciting to do, come so San Diego. For those of us who are so lucky to live here already, if up you have yet to do so, go see this amazing show. You will not be disappointed! 

Writers note: The top picture of this article/blog was a picture from Flickr of last nights show. The rest of the pictures were taken by me. Not the best of quality, but they were taken on my old iphone 4, with very minimal editing. All pics can be found on my Instagram: @jovi_casie . 

8 ways to get through that horrible break-up

Ever had one of those break ups where you just wanna curl up and watch movies in bed for like a week straight? Not having a single care about your hair, make-up, or your life. Just isolating yourself from the world and taking that time to cry it out. We've all been there. I think taking a week off from life is ok. But more than that isn't doing any justice to yourself. 2 days is too little, and 2 weeks it too long. 

Mending a broken heart doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen in a few weeks either. When you have been in a relationship with someone for 2 or more years and you were so deeply in love with them, it's usually a pretty hard breakup, especially on your heart. The immediate stop in communication between you two, seems like a huge change in what was usually an ordinary occurrence for you. It's hard. Stepping back out into the world is also hard. You start to see things that remind you of that person. You run into his family or friends...and you want to break down and cry. 

Eventually that will pass, with time, you heal and move on. And even when it seems like you never will, you will. How do you get over these hard break-ups? Well I would suggest following the list below. Use this as your break-up bible. Because in a sense, it's the main thing that's going to get you out of bed and be able to begin to move forward. 

Cut off all communication with him.

That torturous moment the day after your break-up, you don't receive a single text or call, and it hurts like Hell, it really does. And you are tempted to text him, but don't! Many people are tempted to stay friends with their ex at first. I did that once, but one of my good friends kept getting on my butt about it. "Don't talk to him, don't communicate with him" she told me. At first I didn't listen, and then when I did, it started to make sense. About a month or so after our breakup I got into an argument with him and I cut off all ties to him. I was beyond done at that point. So, trust me when I say that going cold turkey and cutting off communication will help you in the long run. And then in a year or so, if you happen to run into him and you two are able to remain friends, then do it. By that time you should be in a much better place and most likely you'll have moved on from him by then, so a friendship won't be as awkward. 

Use that week off from life productively! 

Sure take the first day to lay in bed all day, but after that, spend that time doing things and keeping busy. You don't need to go outside. Do things around your house or have a couple of your girl friends over for some ice-cream and movies. And maybe some Wine. By doing this, you're giving yourself time to grieve and cry, but at least you are being productive. You are getting some things done around the house, finishing that DIY project that you never got around to, or even getting some home workouts in. Which brings me to my next point.

Find an aggressive workout routine.

This is not the time to do yoga, you have plenty of time for meditation later. Immediately following your break-up, you want to find a fast paced and aggressive workout regimen. It's a great way to release the anger and stress and a great way to stay productive during that first week off and afterwards as well. I remember during one of my breakups, I was having an intense workout on my elliptical and my angry thoughts of him were fueling my workout. I was going hard, and then I broke down crying. Honestly, It was the best kind of cry, I was releasing him from my mind and releasing my anger. Another plus from this, is keeping off the extra weight we usually put on after a break-up. Yea sometimes we just want to let ourselves go and not have a care in the world. But don't do that, you want to look and feel good when you finally decide to go out. 

Go out with your girls!

At the end of that week, set up a night out with your girls. At this point you have cried pretty much all day everyday, and you need to force yourself to get up, shower, put on something sexy and those cute pair of heels and some red lipstick. Hit up a bar or club with your girls. It's the best kind of therapy. Your friends know you're going through a rough time so they are going to want to take your mind off of it and make you feel as good as possible. Don't be afraid, have fun, after all you're a single woman now!

Don't have a rebound guy.

We've all read those articles about how having a guy to rebound with is good and a good way to know that you're over your ex. No. I say no, because what if that guy really likes you or you start to like him. You don't want to mix those feelings so quickly after a breakup. I know some will disagree with me in this, but it's not just our hearts that need time to heal, it's our mind, body and soul that needs time to heal. Going out and having sex with some guy you met at the pub isn't going to make you feel better. And when you have alcohol in your system, you don't have a clear head. So make sure on that girls night out, you are sticking around them, not trying to find some guy to rebound with. 

Find your meditation or your calm and peaceful place.

After about 3 weeks, you are still going to be hurting, that feeling won't go away right away, remember that. But this is just another thing to do to get your mind off of your current situation and begin the healing process. Meditate, or find a place that gives you peace of mind. Now is the time to add yoga into that aggressive workout routine. I found that going hard in a fast paced cardio, then jumping into a yoga sesh after was both beneficial for me and rewarding. I would do like 30 minutes of cardio, sometimes an hour, and then go into my meditation mode with a few yoga positions and just sitting their in silence, while calming my mind. It paid off big time in the end. My mind slowly but surely began to eliminate the anger and hurt. I started focusing on the well being of my body, mind and soul. It may sound corny but let me tell you, it really did help me! 

Once you are done with the healing process, start learning how to love yourself.

Some people already know hoe to love their self and that's awesome. That's how it should be. But for those who are having trouble, going through the healing process isn't just about mending your broken heart and eliminating your anger, hurt and sadness; it's about finding you again. It's about learning to love yourself, so that the next break up won't be as hard. I previously wrote a blog about learning to love yourself, but I will briefly say here, that the best way to get over bad breakups or any negativity life throws at us, is to already know what it means to love yourself. Once you know what that means and once you have found out how to love yourself, everything becomes much easier. Break-ups, negative moments, everything. It really does. I promise you that if you take the time to love yourself first, you start to understand things better and you start to realize that their is no need for so much hurt or anger in these break-ups. 

Lastly, start to live.

When you start living your life again, while doing all the above mentioned, things start to fall into place. Perhaps you want to go after that promotion, or maybe you want to spend more time with a family member or a friend. Go do it. Start doing things that benefit your well being and when you start to do these things, make sure that you are doing it for yourself first. It's ok to be a little selfish in this scenario. After all, that's what you are focusing on during the breakup period. You are focusing on a better you and focusing on your own life. When you begin to live, things start coming to you unexpectedly; that promotion or raise, that guy you started flirting with at your local Starbucks, the family member you are trying to mend things with, and even new friends. 

When you start to love yourself, it exudes to the people and environment around you. Happiness spreads as much as negativity does. So find your happiness, find that peaceful place, and start to live again. And the next time you go through a break-up, remember these tips, it will only help you get through it much easier. 

 Instagram: @jovi_casie

Jovi.casie@gmail.com

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Text-lationships and revealing your true self

In the most recent generation of young adults, we are seeing so many new terms and made up words for our technology driven lives. From Tinder dates, to sexting, to twerking....well how about text-lationships? Sounds a bit crazy, but it's the newest term being used. And I'm about to give you all the inside scoop.

Have you ever found yourself wanting to be in a relationship, so you go on Tinder or meet someone in person, and then how does it begin 99% of the time? With sending each other a multitude of texts daily until you meet up for the first date. Recently I spoke to a friend who met this seemingly great guy. She said they met on tinder, texted for about two weeks (making sure he wasn't some creep), then decided to meet up for the first time. She was so excited, and she couldn't wait to meet him, after all, they talked daily and exchanged goodmorning texts to goodnight texts. It seemed great! Until they met in person. They had nothing to talk about on their first date. She said it was so awkward. They never saw each other again, and the multitude of texts, suddenly stopped altogether. 

You see, I think a lot of us get so caught up hiding behind our phones, in every aspect, that we forget how to be humans, literally and physically. And in these cases, we develop a text-lationship with someone, feeling more comfortable behind the phone than in person. I would describe a text-lationship as a relationship between two people, and the only form of contact or communication is texting. You don't see that person, you don't talk on the phone, just text. It's really both as simple and lame as that. 

This generation of young adults is so technology driven that we are forgetting who we are, and how to interact. When did we become so comfortable with the idea of hiding behind a cell phone. When did it become okay of us to become a whole other person because we don't need to meet in person. I mean, wake up people! I see this newest trend happening more and more. And it really shouldn't be. 

We've all been subject to this in one form of another. Even if it's innocently texting just get to know the person before meeting up. My advice:

1. Hold off on the texting, no cute texts such as goodmorning or goodnight, until after you meet.
2. If you want to get to know the person, pick up the phone. Keep the primary conversations short, until after you meet in person. Trust me when I say, it will help your relationship in the long run.
3. And most guys like a woman who plays hard to get, not too much, just a little. If they do text you, wait like 10 minutes to text them back, don't respond right away every time.

These aren't rules, just advice. I don't believe in rules when it comes to dating and relationships. These are just a few ways to get a relationship started off the right way and how to avoid a text-lationship.

In the generation of Instagram celebrities, it's so easy to jump on the bandwagon. A lot of people make up this alternate persona, appealing to the Instagram audience, only to boost their popularity with people they don't even know. Saddest part? We're nothing like our Instagram profiles. We usually appear skinnier, smarter, and are amateur photographers. We seemingly live a very awesome life, when in reality, most of these people hate their jobs, are overwhelmed with their kids, and some are not happy in their romantic relationships. But as always, their Instagram profile says otherwise.

With all these new and quirky terms, technology is taking over our lives, but don't let it. You want to be in a real relationship and represent your true self? Then leave behind the social media, the rules, and the technology. You tell me if you see a change in your relationships and/or dating...because the chances are good that you will.


Writer's note: This video I included below, from Youtube, is a perfect example of everything I mentioned in this Blog/Article. PLease take the time to share this video and my blog. Thank you

Instagram: @jovi_casie

jovi.casie@gmail.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxVZYiJKl1Y