Last week I had the pleasure of writing my first article for Twenty Something Living. The article is called Why Your Twenties Matter. It's about understanding why they matter and taking action now, instead of letting the years pass you by. I also quote Meg Jay (author of "The Defining Decade") throughout the article. She explains why your twenties matter from the point of view of someone who has worked with twenty somethings her whole life. My article is from my point of view; a twenty something who read and understood Meg Jay's book and is here to tell her peers exactly why they matter so much.

Take a look at this great website. They have many great articles about all kinds of topics related to twenty somethings and great tips/advice. You can find my article about halfway down the home page or just click here and it will take you directly to the article I wrote. 

I hope you all enjoy the article and my future articles; don't forget to subscribe by email to Twenty Something Living. 

Xoxo,

7 Benefits of Being Single

When you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss out on events in life and sometimes you just become so in love that you find yourself not doing the things you used to do when you were single. We have all been guilty of being in the honeymoon stage of a relationship or of being in a relationship where you want to spend most of your time around your significant other. But it's those relationships that remind us of the need for balance. When you're in those type of relationships, you forget the good of being single.

Perhaps, you're the type of person that feels they have to be in a relationship all the time. In other words, you're not single for long between each relationship you have. You're constantly dating and you think being single is the worst thing since bell-bottoms. Or perhaps you are the type of person who doesn't mind being single but a part of you wishes you were in a relationship.

Whatever your feelings may be on this subject, I feel like we should strive to have the best type of relationship...a relationship with yourself. As quirky as that may sound, it's true.
The benefits of being single are being able to get to know your best and worst self. The benefits below are great example.

Having time for family and friends
This is probably the biggest benefit. As we all know, being in a relationship sometimes means seeing less of our family and friends. (Although that shouldn't be the case) Nonetheless, having time for your loved ones is great. Spend part of your free time with them.

Alone time
Spend the other part of your free time doing things alone. Enjoy the peacefulness of having that time to yourself. I know people who say they will never go see a movie alone or go out to dinner alone. But I think most people would be surprised how many people actually do these things alone. There is nothing wrong with going to dinner by yourself. It doesn't mean you're a loner and it doesn't mean you have no one to go with. All it means is that you wanted some alone time and you're enjoying yourself.

Checking out local hot spots with friends
You remember that Saturday your friend invited you to the opening of the newest club in downtown? You didn't go because you and your ex opted to have a movie night in. Well, now is the chance to catch up on the latest social scene. Go to that local bar, or new club in downtown and enjoy events in your cities with your group of friends.

Focusing more on your career or career path
Perhaps you found yourself slacking off on the college courses or even slacking off at work. Now is the time to re-focus on all of that. Go back to school and focus on getting that raise or promotion you want. Continue focusing on making a better life for yourself.

Saving money

One of the most common things I hear of are how happy people are to not have to spend money on someone else now that they are single; especially if you're a guy. It's well known that men usually do more of the spending in a relationship. But, whether you're a giving guy or a giving gal, being single means not forking out the dough on your partner. And let's be honest, it's pretty nice to spend that money on yourself now. 

Flirting 

Oh the joy and freedom to flirt with whoever you want, whenever you want to. And no more only being able to look and not touch. Now is the time to have fun and let loose, but not too loose, if you catch my drift? 

Full control over your life

Whether you're getting out of a long term relationship or a long marriage, having that full control is amazing and freeing. A lot of times, we tend to make our decisions with our partners in mind, and that's all peaches, except for one thing. Many times, those decisions aren't everything we really want. So now that you're single, take advantage and do what you want, and make the decisions that are best for you and only you.

(Writer's note: You can also find this article on Howtogetittogether.com. I originally wrote this article to be featured for their website. They featured me there as a guest blogger and I would love for my readers to check out their website as well. Thanks!)

When did Ignorance become Bliss?

Ignorance is Bliss? I certainly don't think so. I read an article earlier on elitedaily.com titled "Ladies, the smarter you are, the more likely you are to be single". First off, let me say that I love the way the writer wrote this article and how they presented the truth and both sides. I am also glad to have come across an article like this. Men, if you think this is wrong, you are on the right path. Ladies, if you can relate, share this blog with your female and male friends. 

It occurred to me while reading this article, that there were many valid points made. I agree with one very strong point...that there is an epidemic of settling in this generation. Whatever the reason may be, I would love to hear honest explanations from the many people who settle. How can we as living human beings allow ourselves to be so ignorant? How can anyone allow their heart not to be happy to its full capacity of happiness? 

What I have difficulty understanding is why this generation is the generation of settling? I applaud those who don't and are still looking for the right one or have found the right one...their equal. Why should we as woman not see through the lies and the BS? And why should men allow themselves to be with someone who does? How can they morally be OK with that? It's true what the writer says in the article about how people believe that ignorance is bliss. But it really shouldn't be. Too many people are stuck on this misconception, specifically several women. 

So then why must an intelligent woman suffer for what a guy lacks? Just because a guy doesn't want to be emasculated and wants to be the dominant one? I don't think so. I once dated a guy who said he was completely supportive of me going to school and focusing on my passion. But he really wanted someone who can do wifely duties and work around his schedule. It should be equal. It doesn't matter who makes more money or who is more intelligent (that phrase should not even be used in a relationship), an equal partnership should be allowing each other to grow together but in the right direction. Each individual pursuing their dreams while supporting one another along the way. 

For the men who feel threatened by more successful woman, you are so morally wrong to the core to feel and think that way. I'm sorry to tell you, but we don't live in the stone ages anymore. Couples should be empowering one another. Sadly, it's a fact that most people, female and male, like to be the better one in a relationship. 

Women are getting more and more intelligent and men just aren't getting more supportive. Men aren't progressing as they should be according to modern times. Instead, we are finding that deep down, men still feel the need to be superior. Men feel the need to be the one in charge and take on the macho roll of supporting his woman and family. That's all fine and dandy...if it was the 50s. As said in this article I read, the number of college-educated women far outweigh the number of college-educated men. So what does this tell you?

We live among a generation of idiots. No surprise there. Instead of women waiting for the man that is equal to her and empowers her, women have the tendency to settle and are lowering their standards just to find a guy who appreciates them. Women are giving up their careers and dreams for these men. Some would think, that's great. But the intelligent person knows right from wrong and logic from fantasy. The fact that so many women are settling and so many men actually want a dumb woman, shows that intelligence doesn't exist in those relationships. And only in those relationships, is ignorance truly bliss. For a person not to acknowledge the immorality in the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' is to not feel. You can argue with me and try to rationalize it in your mind but that phrase is simply fantasy. Meaning that you are so stuck in a state of mind where you believe you are happy because you have settled and lowered your standards. 

Where are the men who are supposed to challenge us and understand us? Where are the men who are supposed to shock us and support us? The men who think it's a turn on that their woman is so damn smart. God forbid, a woman tries to challenge a man or question him. Not in an accusatory way, just in a moral way. I believe that an intelligent woman has a right to be loved. Yes I just said that. Men who ditch a great woman simply because she exudes intelligence and success, is a coward. 

I once was ignorant. I once chose to be blind to the lies. Then one day I chose to see through all the lies and the BS. When I chose to not be ignorant and blind anymore, that's when I started to realize something. I was in relationships with guys I was settling with. And now I'll be totally honest. I find myself going on less and less dates. Not because I can't get one but because I'm tired of dating the same guy over and over. I have yet to find a guy who challenges and shocks me. I have yet to find that guy who is willing to support me and can understand me and wants to be my equal. It really isn't much to ask for, but in this generation, apparently it is. I refuse to settle for a guy who is going to lie to me, hide things from me, and talk badly about me behind my back. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way. All woman should keep their standards high, and a man should want the challenge to meet these standards, and vice-a-versa. Both men and women should have high standard for each other, and those standards should be of equal balance. 

For some time I thought I was crazy to have such high standards, but I've realized over time and through my personal experiences that intelligence is key for a relationship. We can't let ourselves believe that ignorance is bliss and we should strive to eliminate this epidemic of settling. Intelligence should be expected in a relationship. I'm not just talking about college-educated either. Intelligence means being independent, knowing how to love yourself first before loving another person. Intelligence is knowing right from wrong in both logic and morals. Intelligence is knowing and understanding what equality is. To live your life in ignorance isn't bliss, it's tragedy. 

Be the CEO of your Life!

Being an independent person is one of the most valuable and most rewarding assets you could ever have in your life. Taking charge of your own life and of your own existence should empower you to do and be a better person in life, because there is always room for improvement. 

I see it everyday, in family and friends...people who depend on others. Independence does not come easy. It takes a lot of hard work and it takes a certain confidence in yourself to be able to step out into the world on your own. From purchasing your first car to buying your first home, being independent is so rewarding. I like to say that when you work hard and strive for the best, then there isn't anything you can't achieve. When you invest your time in schooling and/or your career, that's how you get ahead. Being independent and in control of your life, however, comes from within. 

Being an independent person doesn't just mean achieving our materialistic wants, it also means achieving self awareness. Knowing who you are and what defines you. Knowing that no one but yourself can define the person you are. The gratification of knowing what it means to love yourself outweighs the momentary gratification of having a materialistic item. As people say...money isn't everything; but self empowerment on the other hand, will give you happiness for the rest of your life. In order to start feeling and being independent, I believe it takes knowing who you are and being self aware of your love for yourself.

For those who don't know how to gain independence follow my advice and hear these words when I say, go boldly in the direction you seek. If you see yourself in a situation that is holding you back, then do what you need to, to move forward from it. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that there are some who were raised in an abusive and/or controlling environment. For these people, I must urge you to recognize that those environments and those people do NOT define you. They do not decide what you do with the rest of your life, nor do they dictate your thoughts. Be the best you, empower yourself, surround yourself with positive, strong, independent people. Those people are the ones who will empower you and encourage you, not bring you down or remind you of your past. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Meg Jay, "The unlived life is not worth examining". Don't look back, only look forward. 

It's hard to imagine yourself in a place in your life you are unfamiliar with. It's hard to envision yourself being someone your are currently not. But gaining your independence doesn't happen over night. For me, it took a little therapy because I needed help examining my life and figuring out who I was. Then I started to read books upon books, and articles. All of which were about being independent, loving yourself, letting go of the negative aspects in your life, what defines you, and how to take all that information and utilize it in your life. If you put forth both the effort and time, I guarantee you, it will be rewarding. There's no better feeling than waking up every day of your life and feeling an inner peace in your heart and mind. Whether you are spiritual, religious or neither, finding that inner peace is a gratifying feeling. 

Independence comes from within and from taking control over your life. Once you have that control of your inner peace and your life, it's time to announce your independence because you've done it. You've learned what it means to go through life not only empowering yourself, but empowering others as well. Most importantly, you've been through many lows to get to these great highs and you now know what defines you. Once you know what it is to have all of this, you're independent, you're strong, and you're the CEO of your own life. Embrace it.

Why Your Twenties Matter

When you are in your twenties, I think there comes a point in your life where you have to just stop and examine your life. Where am I going? What am I going to do for my career? Am I going to get married and settle down right away? Should I just take a job that I hate but will pay me well? Should I have kids soon or wait until my thirties? Or can I just cruise through my twenties and then start life?

These are just a few of many questions that go through the mind of a twenty something year old person. As a person who is in her twenties (23 going on 24 in a few months), I know what it feels like to feel lost and feel somewhat stuck in life. It's an unsettling feeling and it can be very stressful. 

I see this most in the following two categories of people in their twenties: The ones who just graduated college or grad school and don't know what they want to do with their degree and are possibly still living at home. And the ones who go from job to job or have a mediocre job; are struggling to make ends meet and don't know how to go back to college or don't know what direction to go in. 

It can be really hard and even depressing. After reading an amazing book, feeling this way myself, and doing some soul searching, I stopped thinking that way. I'm going after things I want. I am working hard and saving up money, I have a 5 year plan and I will meet my goals. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take some time. But there are things I plan to accomplish before I turn 30. And I want to be at a certain place in my life by the time I'm 26. It's going to take a lot of motivation and a lot of focus. At the end of the day, it's all about determination, dedication, and devotion. I plan to succeed in all three areas. 

The book I read was an eye opener. Written by a clinical psychologist who was also a clinical professor at the University of Virginia; Meg Jay studied twentysomethings for most of her career. It was her focus and and she spent years understanding people in their twenties and everything about them and their lives. The book is called "The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now". She goes on about several clients she has over the years and examining the differences between clients in their twenties and thirties. One of Meg Jay's points is that so many people think that our thirties are our defining decade. But we are so wrong- it's actually our twenties that matter. Believe it or not, a lot of people believe the defining decade is their thirties; even I did. Until I read this life changing book. 

What stood out most to me, was that she speaks about how these defining moments are already happening in our twenties, and how most of us don't even recognize them. She goes on to say that the book is about recognizing these moments that define us in our twenties and how to make the most of them right now. For those who don't think our twenties matter, I urge you to re-evaluate that thought process and realize that they really do! Read her book; it really puts some things into perspective, and it will possibly change your mind set on your own life, as it did for me. 

Re-evaluate where you are in your life, stop and think about what's going on in your life. From your relationships with family members, your hobbies and interests, your friends, your career, and your goals in life. Trust me when I say you will thank me for introducing you to my blog and to Meg Jay's book, and you will thank Meg Jay also for writing that book. 

What I love most about her philosophy is that she thinks differently than your typical psychologist. She went against what most therapists would tell their clients and she expresses such strong and powerful beliefs in her philosophies on therapy. The following quote is one of my favorites from her book. 

     "The unlived life is not worth examining" -Sheldon Kopp

Every time I read it, I feel the power in that message and its meaning. It means that we shouldn't look back at the life we haven't lived, but only look at the life we can start to live. 

Understanding Women

Recently one of my followers asked me to write about understanding women. I decided to do some fun research by asking both men and women what type of facts they wanted me to address. Understanding women can be difficult to dissect, while men are also just as difficult; but that's a whole other blog.

For centuries men have asked this question and they will continue to for centuries to come. At last, I'm here to tell you just how to understand women. The answer is...wait for it...there is no answer. All women are different, therefore breaking down every single part of a woman's logic, reasoning, actions, thoughts, motives, emotions, and anatomy is just down right impossible. What I can tell you is that a woman is the only person who will decide how easy or hard it is to understand them. Every woman decides how much of them they want to show; and in a lot of cases, women don't even understand themselves.

As a woman, I can tell you that it is true that a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Meaning that we will always have some secrets or events in our life that will stay with us forever and never be shared. I can tell you that we can and will be difficult at times when we are NOT on our period. Sometimes you men just drive us crazy, or sometimes we are trying to tell you something. Listen, observe, and give us space if we need it or lend a shoulder if we need it. Women want to feel loved and be loved. Even the most independent, single, and self-aware woman wants to be loved. Women want men to listen to them. It's really simple. We talk about our day, you listen; and vice-a-versa. When we want to be left alone, sometimes we really just want to be alone and other times we are really just asking for attention. Use your best judgment on the situation. Did you just have a fight with her about something small and petty? Then go comfort her. Did you just have a big fight about a serious issue? Give her time to think.

Women are usually more emotional during sex, with the exception of the few who feel nothing and just want to bang you. We like the chemistry, the passion, and yes we like to have fun. But sometimes we want to take it slow and make love. Other times we want passionate, wild sex. It's just who we are. But, sex is more emotional for us in that we tend to feel when we're having sex. So naturally, this is why we become attached sometimes after having sex. A lot of men wonder why a woman becomes so attached after popping her cherry. For most women, their first time is really special, and we hope it's with someone we love and someone who really loves us back. When a woman is with a guy she loses her virginity to, she tends to feel a little clingy at first. Why? Because she just experienced one of the most important days in her life with you. You are the first guy she ever felt so comfortable with. You are the first guy to see her most intimate side and her most vulnerable side. Sex isn't just sex to most woman. It's something deep and personal and we really do think that whoever gets to experience it with us is the luckiest guy alive. If you are in a serious relationship, make sure you make it known how lucky you are to have her.

Guys will NEVER understand what we go through during that time of the month. Nor will you understand what it's like to feel so hormonal. Believe it or not, sometimes we don't know why we get so angry or cry. Our hormones are so out of whack that even we wonder why we just cried uncontrollably at the homeless dog we see everyday on our way to work. We see that dog every day but today we took one look and just sobbed like a baby. And we have no clue why. It sounds funny and it is, but it's something we can't control. Why do we get so angry or annoyed easily? Because of those darn hormones. Do not, i repeat do not try to tell us to suck it up or to get over it when we are hurting, angry, sad, crying, or annoyed. You will see the wrath of Satan inside us. No really, some form of him will come out. All joking aside, some women get very ill during that time of the month. Any part of our body can ache or hurt. What's the best thing to do for us during our period? Be there for us. Offer up a massage or a draw us a bath with candles for us to relax. A warm bath with Epsom salt is a great remedy. If you see us crying, just bring us the box of tissues, don't laugh and don't question it. Don't do anything to anger us. Avoid off topics and if you know what annoys us already, then don't provoke us. Sometimes, it's best to stay away from us all together.

I wont address the immaturity in women and those who play games. What I will address is the women who know what they want. If you are in a mature relationship then chances are you are already with a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't beat around the bush. These are the type of women you men want to surround yourself with. Then there won't be any confusion or nothing complicated about them. A woman who knows what she wants, is much easier to understand. So guys, pay attention, listen up...you won't ever completely understand women. But to get a better understanding about us, you have to have patience, have sympathy, and if you have any questions just ask us! Talk to us, and communicate with us.

Unfortunately there is so much one can write about this topic but that would most likely turn into a book. Women are hard to understand at times, but when you're paired with a good one, it becomes a little easier. What I suggest is not listening to your friends experiences, because every woman is different. No two woman are alike. Stop listening to your bro that says, "women will always be women". Whatever that idiotic statement is supposed to mean; its NOT true and never will be. The biggest mistake men make is listening to other men who think they know it all or think they have all the 411 on women. Sorry to break it to you guys, but I have yet to meet a guy who completely understands a woman. Plus, as I said before, no two women are alike. So you can't base one guy's opinion off of his experiences with women because they are all different.

I personally believe that men aren't meant to understand women completely. Just as we are not meant to fully understand men. There is some level of understanding we should have for each other. To get to this understanding, refer to your own experiences with women. Never have the belief that all women are the same. Never compare.

I'll leave you with some wise words:
     "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood" -Oscar Wilde

8 ways to get through that horrible break-up

Ever had one of those break ups where you just wanna curl up and watch movies in bed for like a week straight? Not having a single care about your hair, make-up, or your life. Just isolating yourself from the world and taking that time to cry it out. We've all been there. I think taking a week off from life is ok. But more than that isn't doing any justice to yourself. 2 days is too little, and 2 weeks it too long. 

Mending a broken heart doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen in a few weeks either. When you have been in a relationship with someone for 2 or more years and you were so deeply in love with them, it's usually a pretty hard breakup, especially on your heart. The immediate stop in communication between you two, seems like a huge change in what was usually an ordinary occurrence for you. It's hard. Stepping back out into the world is also hard. You start to see things that remind you of that person. You run into his family or friends...and you want to break down and cry. 

Eventually that will pass, with time, you heal and move on. And even when it seems like you never will, you will. How do you get over these hard break-ups? Well I would suggest following the list below. Use this as your break-up bible. Because in a sense, it's the main thing that's going to get you out of bed and be able to begin to move forward. 

Cut off all communication with him.

That torturous moment the day after your break-up, you don't receive a single text or call, and it hurts like Hell, it really does. And you are tempted to text him, but don't! Many people are tempted to stay friends with their ex at first. I did that once, but one of my good friends kept getting on my butt about it. "Don't talk to him, don't communicate with him" she told me. At first I didn't listen, and then when I did, it started to make sense. About a month or so after our breakup I got into an argument with him and I cut off all ties to him. I was beyond done at that point. So, trust me when I say that going cold turkey and cutting off communication will help you in the long run. And then in a year or so, if you happen to run into him and you two are able to remain friends, then do it. By that time you should be in a much better place and most likely you'll have moved on from him by then, so a friendship won't be as awkward. 

Use that week off from life productively! 

Sure take the first day to lay in bed all day, but after that, spend that time doing things and keeping busy. You don't need to go outside. Do things around your house or have a couple of your girl friends over for some ice-cream and movies. And maybe some Wine. By doing this, you're giving yourself time to grieve and cry, but at least you are being productive. You are getting some things done around the house, finishing that DIY project that you never got around to, or even getting some home workouts in. Which brings me to my next point.

Find an aggressive workout routine.

This is not the time to do yoga, you have plenty of time for meditation later. Immediately following your break-up, you want to find a fast paced and aggressive workout regimen. It's a great way to release the anger and stress and a great way to stay productive during that first week off and afterwards as well. I remember during one of my breakups, I was having an intense workout on my elliptical and my angry thoughts of him were fueling my workout. I was going hard, and then I broke down crying. Honestly, It was the best kind of cry, I was releasing him from my mind and releasing my anger. Another plus from this, is keeping off the extra weight we usually put on after a break-up. Yea sometimes we just want to let ourselves go and not have a care in the world. But don't do that, you want to look and feel good when you finally decide to go out. 

Go out with your girls!

At the end of that week, set up a night out with your girls. At this point you have cried pretty much all day everyday, and you need to force yourself to get up, shower, put on something sexy and those cute pair of heels and some red lipstick. Hit up a bar or club with your girls. It's the best kind of therapy. Your friends know you're going through a rough time so they are going to want to take your mind off of it and make you feel as good as possible. Don't be afraid, have fun, after all you're a single woman now!

Don't have a rebound guy.

We've all read those articles about how having a guy to rebound with is good and a good way to know that you're over your ex. No. I say no, because what if that guy really likes you or you start to like him. You don't want to mix those feelings so quickly after a breakup. I know some will disagree with me in this, but it's not just our hearts that need time to heal, it's our mind, body and soul that needs time to heal. Going out and having sex with some guy you met at the pub isn't going to make you feel better. And when you have alcohol in your system, you don't have a clear head. So make sure on that girls night out, you are sticking around them, not trying to find some guy to rebound with. 

Find your meditation or your calm and peaceful place.

After about 3 weeks, you are still going to be hurting, that feeling won't go away right away, remember that. But this is just another thing to do to get your mind off of your current situation and begin the healing process. Meditate, or find a place that gives you peace of mind. Now is the time to add yoga into that aggressive workout routine. I found that going hard in a fast paced cardio, then jumping into a yoga sesh after was both beneficial for me and rewarding. I would do like 30 minutes of cardio, sometimes an hour, and then go into my meditation mode with a few yoga positions and just sitting their in silence, while calming my mind. It paid off big time in the end. My mind slowly but surely began to eliminate the anger and hurt. I started focusing on the well being of my body, mind and soul. It may sound corny but let me tell you, it really did help me! 

Once you are done with the healing process, start learning how to love yourself.

Some people already know hoe to love their self and that's awesome. That's how it should be. But for those who are having trouble, going through the healing process isn't just about mending your broken heart and eliminating your anger, hurt and sadness; it's about finding you again. It's about learning to love yourself, so that the next break up won't be as hard. I previously wrote a blog about learning to love yourself, but I will briefly say here, that the best way to get over bad breakups or any negativity life throws at us, is to already know what it means to love yourself. Once you know what that means and once you have found out how to love yourself, everything becomes much easier. Break-ups, negative moments, everything. It really does. I promise you that if you take the time to love yourself first, you start to understand things better and you start to realize that their is no need for so much hurt or anger in these break-ups. 

Lastly, start to live.

When you start living your life again, while doing all the above mentioned, things start to fall into place. Perhaps you want to go after that promotion, or maybe you want to spend more time with a family member or a friend. Go do it. Start doing things that benefit your well being and when you start to do these things, make sure that you are doing it for yourself first. It's ok to be a little selfish in this scenario. After all, that's what you are focusing on during the breakup period. You are focusing on a better you and focusing on your own life. When you begin to live, things start coming to you unexpectedly; that promotion or raise, that guy you started flirting with at your local Starbucks, the family member you are trying to mend things with, and even new friends. 

When you start to love yourself, it exudes to the people and environment around you. Happiness spreads as much as negativity does. So find your happiness, find that peaceful place, and start to live again. And the next time you go through a break-up, remember these tips, it will only help you get through it much easier. 

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Text-lationships and revealing your true self

In the most recent generation of young adults, we are seeing so many new terms and made up words for our technology driven lives. From Tinder dates, to sexting, to twerking....well how about text-lationships? Sounds a bit crazy, but it's the newest term being used. And I'm about to give you all the inside scoop.

Have you ever found yourself wanting to be in a relationship, so you go on Tinder or meet someone in person, and then how does it begin 99% of the time? With sending each other a multitude of texts daily until you meet up for the first date. Recently I spoke to a friend who met this seemingly great guy. She said they met on tinder, texted for about two weeks (making sure he wasn't some creep), then decided to meet up for the first time. She was so excited, and she couldn't wait to meet him, after all, they talked daily and exchanged goodmorning texts to goodnight texts. It seemed great! Until they met in person. They had nothing to talk about on their first date. She said it was so awkward. They never saw each other again, and the multitude of texts, suddenly stopped altogether. 

You see, I think a lot of us get so caught up hiding behind our phones, in every aspect, that we forget how to be humans, literally and physically. And in these cases, we develop a text-lationship with someone, feeling more comfortable behind the phone than in person. I would describe a text-lationship as a relationship between two people, and the only form of contact or communication is texting. You don't see that person, you don't talk on the phone, just text. It's really both as simple and lame as that. 

This generation of young adults is so technology driven that we are forgetting who we are, and how to interact. When did we become so comfortable with the idea of hiding behind a cell phone. When did it become okay of us to become a whole other person because we don't need to meet in person. I mean, wake up people! I see this newest trend happening more and more. And it really shouldn't be. 

We've all been subject to this in one form of another. Even if it's innocently texting just get to know the person before meeting up. My advice:

1. Hold off on the texting, no cute texts such as goodmorning or goodnight, until after you meet.
2. If you want to get to know the person, pick up the phone. Keep the primary conversations short, until after you meet in person. Trust me when I say, it will help your relationship in the long run.
3. And most guys like a woman who plays hard to get, not too much, just a little. If they do text you, wait like 10 minutes to text them back, don't respond right away every time.

These aren't rules, just advice. I don't believe in rules when it comes to dating and relationships. These are just a few ways to get a relationship started off the right way and how to avoid a text-lationship.

In the generation of Instagram celebrities, it's so easy to jump on the bandwagon. A lot of people make up this alternate persona, appealing to the Instagram audience, only to boost their popularity with people they don't even know. Saddest part? We're nothing like our Instagram profiles. We usually appear skinnier, smarter, and are amateur photographers. We seemingly live a very awesome life, when in reality, most of these people hate their jobs, are overwhelmed with their kids, and some are not happy in their romantic relationships. But as always, their Instagram profile says otherwise.

With all these new and quirky terms, technology is taking over our lives, but don't let it. You want to be in a real relationship and represent your true self? Then leave behind the social media, the rules, and the technology. You tell me if you see a change in your relationships and/or dating...because the chances are good that you will.


Writer's note: This video I included below, from Youtube, is a perfect example of everything I mentioned in this Blog/Article. PLease take the time to share this video and my blog. Thank you

Instagram: @jovi_casie

jovi.casie@gmail.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxVZYiJKl1Y

Why men cheat

Recently I have read many articles on why men cheat. From facts and statistics to the writers opinion, those articles all had some truth to it. Also, why does society accept cheating? Is it because they don't want to mess up what they think is a 'good' relationship in their eyes, or are they in denial?

After doing a lot of research and even asking my friends a list of questions about their love life, I've come to conclude that there is no exact answer as to why. Obviously right? What I can say, definitively, is that cheating is sadly a 'norm'. But I believe that it shouldn't be. What constitutes a persons right to cheat on someone and not have the decency to just end the relationship before hand? I believe a lot of men are just selfish. They have their cake and they want to eat it too. I'm not talking about all guys, just the cheaters.

Whether your girlfriend is wonderful or a psycho, no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be cheated on. If you don't like her, break it off. If you do like her, then why cheat? A lot of men feel the need of masculinity and dominance; this dates back to the caveman days. This needs to stop. What gives men the right to act on an urge because they think it was their given right since the dawn of time?

I once dated a guy who had an obsession with having to talk to a female pretty much every day. Sadly, this guy still believes he has never done anything wrong and this guy has so many underlying issues and he refuses to face them and acknowledge them. He is in his late 30s, which means he will never change and I've predicted that he will never settle down, so far I'm right. While we were together, he was constantly on Facebook chatting inappropriately with other women, and always on these raunchy dating sites. It's like he felt like he needed self-reassurance. Yes, because a nasty looking woman said she liked you, you are almighty and powerful (beats chest). Do you get the sarcasm there? Anyway, this guy was obsessed with it, and he never deleted his conversations. Not to mention he tried to hook up with most of these women. 

I never really confronted him about it because a part of me was scared to at the time. Until the day we broke up, when I confronted him about it. He didn't even look me in the eye when I asked him to just tell me the truth because it was over already. He still denied it like a coward. As if it was his fantasy world or something. 

Funny thing was that I did some research on his past relationships and the relationships he had after me and it all came down to the same reason as to why they broke up. He always tried to find something he thought was wrong with the woman he was with and he tried to be an analyzer and play 'Mr. Fix It'. What's even funnier is that most of these 'problems' were not problems. He just had that need, again, to point out a very small flaw and make it into something big. And he would always tell the woman she needed to fix it or else they couldn't be together. Point is, he was a jackass, and he had extreme emotional issues since he was kid. He never dealt with them and it has affected his relationships through most of his adult life. After that guy and I broke up, a lot of family and friends said I would be 'the one that got away' for him. 

There are a lot of men who are in denial of their issues and for that reason, it will always affect their relationships. People will cheat and they will continue to. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and just tell yourself, "Love yourself, you're a beautiful and strong woman, and no person will ever change that, no person will ever define you, no person can ever hurt you unless you allow them to". 

It all comes down to this. Stop wondering why so many guys cheat and just focus on finding the one who won't do that to you. One thing I can't stand is when women post dumb and immature status updates or quotes saying things like, 'I guess I can't trust anyone'. Or 'All men cheat, I'll never find a good one'. Women who loose hope in finding a good guy are just people who give up. Or those women are probably immature and don't have a whole lot of self-love. (See a previous blog I wrote on 'self love and learning how to love yourself'). Men will cheat, there's usually not much we can do to stop it from happening. You just have to learn to move on from him and move forward without him. 

Instagram: jovi_casie

Email: jovi.casie@gmail.com