Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

Waterfront Fireworks

It's the 4th of July and the scene from Downtown San Diego is bumper to bumper traffic, all streets near the harbor and Seaport Village are closed off for pedestrians and people from all around come to enjoy the spectacular Big Bay Boom fireworks show. It's the biggest fireworks display west of Mississippi, and the best 4th of July event on the West coast. 

The city prepares 13,000 pounds of fireworks on 4 different barges around the San Diego Bay for a 21 minute show. People come from all over the United States and from different parts of the world to see the show that make your eyes glow with red, white, and blue lights. Best seen from Seaport Village, Harbor Island, the Broadway Pier, the Embarcadero, or Coronado, the show stretches across the waters of the bay to impress onlookers all around. 

Last year I had the once in a lifetime chance to see the show, in basically VIP seats from a gorgeous Yacht, anchored in the middle of the bay. A family friend generously offered my family and friends his yacht to cruise around the bay all day and into the night. So with about 20 people on board, plenty of delicious food and drinks to last us all day, we launched from a pier in Glorrietta Bay. We cruised all around the bay, then eventually set the anchor with views of Coronado on our left and the heart of Downtown San Diego on our right. I have never seen a more beautiful sight of our skyline than I did on that day. 

Once 9pm came around, the music started and so did the show. The pictures you see below don't compare to our actual view, althought a camera never perfectly captures the eyes view. The first firework went up in the air and exploded with a big boom. It was beautiful. You could physically feel each burst of firework. That's how close we were. And to see them we had to look strait above us. Not to mention that you could see the other fireworks shooting up in the air from the surrounding barges. It was a view like no other. I'll never forget the look on everyone's faces. Here we were, all adults and everyone stared in awe as though we were all kids for that moment, amazed with the lights and the overwhelming sound. 

Pictures from our Yacht taken by me.
           My personal favorite is this one

So for your next Fourth of July, if you are looking for something new and exciting to do, come so San Diego. For those of us who are so lucky to live here already, if up you have yet to do so, go see this amazing show. You will not be disappointed! 

Writers note: The top picture of this article/blog was a picture from Flickr of last nights show. The rest of the pictures were taken by me. Not the best of quality, but they were taken on my old iphone 4, with very minimal editing. All pics can be found on my Instagram: @jovi_casie . 

Text-lationships and revealing your true self

In the most recent generation of young adults, we are seeing so many new terms and made up words for our technology driven lives. From Tinder dates, to sexting, to twerking....well how about text-lationships? Sounds a bit crazy, but it's the newest term being used. And I'm about to give you all the inside scoop.

Have you ever found yourself wanting to be in a relationship, so you go on Tinder or meet someone in person, and then how does it begin 99% of the time? With sending each other a multitude of texts daily until you meet up for the first date. Recently I spoke to a friend who met this seemingly great guy. She said they met on tinder, texted for about two weeks (making sure he wasn't some creep), then decided to meet up for the first time. She was so excited, and she couldn't wait to meet him, after all, they talked daily and exchanged goodmorning texts to goodnight texts. It seemed great! Until they met in person. They had nothing to talk about on their first date. She said it was so awkward. They never saw each other again, and the multitude of texts, suddenly stopped altogether. 

You see, I think a lot of us get so caught up hiding behind our phones, in every aspect, that we forget how to be humans, literally and physically. And in these cases, we develop a text-lationship with someone, feeling more comfortable behind the phone than in person. I would describe a text-lationship as a relationship between two people, and the only form of contact or communication is texting. You don't see that person, you don't talk on the phone, just text. It's really both as simple and lame as that. 

This generation of young adults is so technology driven that we are forgetting who we are, and how to interact. When did we become so comfortable with the idea of hiding behind a cell phone. When did it become okay of us to become a whole other person because we don't need to meet in person. I mean, wake up people! I see this newest trend happening more and more. And it really shouldn't be. 

We've all been subject to this in one form of another. Even if it's innocently texting just get to know the person before meeting up. My advice:

1. Hold off on the texting, no cute texts such as goodmorning or goodnight, until after you meet.
2. If you want to get to know the person, pick up the phone. Keep the primary conversations short, until after you meet in person. Trust me when I say, it will help your relationship in the long run.
3. And most guys like a woman who plays hard to get, not too much, just a little. If they do text you, wait like 10 minutes to text them back, don't respond right away every time.

These aren't rules, just advice. I don't believe in rules when it comes to dating and relationships. These are just a few ways to get a relationship started off the right way and how to avoid a text-lationship.

In the generation of Instagram celebrities, it's so easy to jump on the bandwagon. A lot of people make up this alternate persona, appealing to the Instagram audience, only to boost their popularity with people they don't even know. Saddest part? We're nothing like our Instagram profiles. We usually appear skinnier, smarter, and are amateur photographers. We seemingly live a very awesome life, when in reality, most of these people hate their jobs, are overwhelmed with their kids, and some are not happy in their romantic relationships. But as always, their Instagram profile says otherwise.

With all these new and quirky terms, technology is taking over our lives, but don't let it. You want to be in a real relationship and represent your true self? Then leave behind the social media, the rules, and the technology. You tell me if you see a change in your relationships and/or dating...because the chances are good that you will.


Writer's note: This video I included below, from Youtube, is a perfect example of everything I mentioned in this Blog/Article. PLease take the time to share this video and my blog. Thank you

Instagram: @jovi_casie

jovi.casie@gmail.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxVZYiJKl1Y

'Consciously Uncoupling' vs Nasty Break-ups

A good break-up is a lot less common now a days. How many people do you know, who can say that they had a great break-up with their significant other? How many good breaks-ups can you honestly say you have experienced? 

It seems that all we see on celebrity news lately is nasty celebrity divorces that take months and sometimes years to resolve. Or it seems like most of our friends around us only have bad things to say about their most recent break-up. Up until a couple months ago, no one had ever used the term 'consciously uncoupling'. Yes you heard right. When celebrity actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, were consciously uncoupling, the world seemed to gasp. Not necessarily at the fact that they were basically separating, but particularly at the term they used. 

I can say that most of my break-ups have never ended well. Usually, there was some anger or hurt on one end or the other. But why can't we seem to consciously uncouple from someone? A mutual sepertion and/or break-up that ends quite positively. A lot of relationships of my friends and family seem to have ended by someone cheating on the other or just someone not being happy anymore. Those seem to be the top two reasons why my friends and family in my life breakup with their significant other. 

Deep down, I think we all hope to have a good break-up. It really is as simple as saying "look I'm not happy, you're not happy, let's just agree to go our seperate ways or be friends." It seems so easy, and it really is. We just make everything difficult. Women are usually more emotional, while men are usually less emotional (although this can be opposite), and this is the reason why many break-ups go sour, bitter and just nasty. Bad break-ups are kind of like black licorice, it's twisted, dark and bitter. Some food for thought...literally. 

Metaphors aside, consciously uncoupling should be more common now a days. Maybe next time you're in a relationship and you're not happy or you see that the other person isn't happy, just consciously uncouple from them, and either decide if you both want to go your separate ways and never talk, or remain good friends. Not all break-ups need to be bad, and honestly, you can control that. There's really no need to publicly announce that your ex is a selfish a**hole, who's happens to suddenly be horrible in bed with a tiny penis. And there's no need to publicly post bitter and immature status updates to social media. 

We should all follow in Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's footsteps and do what they did. They are constantly in the spotlight as A-list celebrities, and they went the right route. They amicably broke up, continue to co-parent their kids, and the latest news is that they might even be back together. I just love that every time I see a TMZ clip of a reporter asking Chris Martin if they are back together, he doesn't say yes or no. Because it's really no ones business, and nor should anyones break-ups be. Keep it simple, keep it real, just consciously uncouple. Don't be bitter or psycho, just say hey, it was fun, we tried, and it didn't work. Simple as that. 

Instagram: @jovi_casie

jovi.casie@gmail.com

Why men cheat

Recently I have read many articles on why men cheat. From facts and statistics to the writers opinion, those articles all had some truth to it. Also, why does society accept cheating? Is it because they don't want to mess up what they think is a 'good' relationship in their eyes, or are they in denial?

After doing a lot of research and even asking my friends a list of questions about their love life, I've come to conclude that there is no exact answer as to why. Obviously right? What I can say, definitively, is that cheating is sadly a 'norm'. But I believe that it shouldn't be. What constitutes a persons right to cheat on someone and not have the decency to just end the relationship before hand? I believe a lot of men are just selfish. They have their cake and they want to eat it too. I'm not talking about all guys, just the cheaters.

Whether your girlfriend is wonderful or a psycho, no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be cheated on. If you don't like her, break it off. If you do like her, then why cheat? A lot of men feel the need of masculinity and dominance; this dates back to the caveman days. This needs to stop. What gives men the right to act on an urge because they think it was their given right since the dawn of time?

I once dated a guy who had an obsession with having to talk to a female pretty much every day. Sadly, this guy still believes he has never done anything wrong and this guy has so many underlying issues and he refuses to face them and acknowledge them. He is in his late 30s, which means he will never change and I've predicted that he will never settle down, so far I'm right. While we were together, he was constantly on Facebook chatting inappropriately with other women, and always on these raunchy dating sites. It's like he felt like he needed self-reassurance. Yes, because a nasty looking woman said she liked you, you are almighty and powerful (beats chest). Do you get the sarcasm there? Anyway, this guy was obsessed with it, and he never deleted his conversations. Not to mention he tried to hook up with most of these women. 

I never really confronted him about it because a part of me was scared to at the time. Until the day we broke up, when I confronted him about it. He didn't even look me in the eye when I asked him to just tell me the truth because it was over already. He still denied it like a coward. As if it was his fantasy world or something. 

Funny thing was that I did some research on his past relationships and the relationships he had after me and it all came down to the same reason as to why they broke up. He always tried to find something he thought was wrong with the woman he was with and he tried to be an analyzer and play 'Mr. Fix It'. What's even funnier is that most of these 'problems' were not problems. He just had that need, again, to point out a very small flaw and make it into something big. And he would always tell the woman she needed to fix it or else they couldn't be together. Point is, he was a jackass, and he had extreme emotional issues since he was kid. He never dealt with them and it has affected his relationships through most of his adult life. After that guy and I broke up, a lot of family and friends said I would be 'the one that got away' for him. 

There are a lot of men who are in denial of their issues and for that reason, it will always affect their relationships. People will cheat and they will continue to. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and just tell yourself, "Love yourself, you're a beautiful and strong woman, and no person will ever change that, no person will ever define you, no person can ever hurt you unless you allow them to". 

It all comes down to this. Stop wondering why so many guys cheat and just focus on finding the one who won't do that to you. One thing I can't stand is when women post dumb and immature status updates or quotes saying things like, 'I guess I can't trust anyone'. Or 'All men cheat, I'll never find a good one'. Women who loose hope in finding a good guy are just people who give up. Or those women are probably immature and don't have a whole lot of self-love. (See a previous blog I wrote on 'self love and learning how to love yourself'). Men will cheat, there's usually not much we can do to stop it from happening. You just have to learn to move on from him and move forward without him. 

Instagram: jovi_casie

Email: jovi.casie@gmail.com