7 Benefits of Being Single

When you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss out on events in life and sometimes you just become so in love that you find yourself not doing the things you used to do when you were single. We have all been guilty of being in the honeymoon stage of a relationship or of being in a relationship where you want to spend most of your time around your significant other. But it's those relationships that remind us of the need for balance. When you're in those type of relationships, you forget the good of being single.

Perhaps, you're the type of person that feels they have to be in a relationship all the time. In other words, you're not single for long between each relationship you have. You're constantly dating and you think being single is the worst thing since bell-bottoms. Or perhaps you are the type of person who doesn't mind being single but a part of you wishes you were in a relationship.

Whatever your feelings may be on this subject, I feel like we should strive to have the best type of relationship...a relationship with yourself. As quirky as that may sound, it's true.
The benefits of being single are being able to get to know your best and worst self. The benefits below are great example.

Having time for family and friends
This is probably the biggest benefit. As we all know, being in a relationship sometimes means seeing less of our family and friends. (Although that shouldn't be the case) Nonetheless, having time for your loved ones is great. Spend part of your free time with them.

Alone time
Spend the other part of your free time doing things alone. Enjoy the peacefulness of having that time to yourself. I know people who say they will never go see a movie alone or go out to dinner alone. But I think most people would be surprised how many people actually do these things alone. There is nothing wrong with going to dinner by yourself. It doesn't mean you're a loner and it doesn't mean you have no one to go with. All it means is that you wanted some alone time and you're enjoying yourself.

Checking out local hot spots with friends
You remember that Saturday your friend invited you to the opening of the newest club in downtown? You didn't go because you and your ex opted to have a movie night in. Well, now is the chance to catch up on the latest social scene. Go to that local bar, or new club in downtown and enjoy events in your cities with your group of friends.

Focusing more on your career or career path
Perhaps you found yourself slacking off on the college courses or even slacking off at work. Now is the time to re-focus on all of that. Go back to school and focus on getting that raise or promotion you want. Continue focusing on making a better life for yourself.

Saving money

One of the most common things I hear of are how happy people are to not have to spend money on someone else now that they are single; especially if you're a guy. It's well known that men usually do more of the spending in a relationship. But, whether you're a giving guy or a giving gal, being single means not forking out the dough on your partner. And let's be honest, it's pretty nice to spend that money on yourself now. 

Flirting 

Oh the joy and freedom to flirt with whoever you want, whenever you want to. And no more only being able to look and not touch. Now is the time to have fun and let loose, but not too loose, if you catch my drift? 

Full control over your life

Whether you're getting out of a long term relationship or a long marriage, having that full control is amazing and freeing. A lot of times, we tend to make our decisions with our partners in mind, and that's all peaches, except for one thing. Many times, those decisions aren't everything we really want. So now that you're single, take advantage and do what you want, and make the decisions that are best for you and only you.

(Writer's note: You can also find this article on Howtogetittogether.com. I originally wrote this article to be featured for their website. They featured me there as a guest blogger and I would love for my readers to check out their website as well. Thanks!)

Understanding Women

Recently one of my followers asked me to write about understanding women. I decided to do some fun research by asking both men and women what type of facts they wanted me to address. Understanding women can be difficult to dissect, while men are also just as difficult; but that's a whole other blog.

For centuries men have asked this question and they will continue to for centuries to come. At last, I'm here to tell you just how to understand women. The answer is...wait for it...there is no answer. All women are different, therefore breaking down every single part of a woman's logic, reasoning, actions, thoughts, motives, emotions, and anatomy is just down right impossible. What I can tell you is that a woman is the only person who will decide how easy or hard it is to understand them. Every woman decides how much of them they want to show; and in a lot of cases, women don't even understand themselves.

As a woman, I can tell you that it is true that a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Meaning that we will always have some secrets or events in our life that will stay with us forever and never be shared. I can tell you that we can and will be difficult at times when we are NOT on our period. Sometimes you men just drive us crazy, or sometimes we are trying to tell you something. Listen, observe, and give us space if we need it or lend a shoulder if we need it. Women want to feel loved and be loved. Even the most independent, single, and self-aware woman wants to be loved. Women want men to listen to them. It's really simple. We talk about our day, you listen; and vice-a-versa. When we want to be left alone, sometimes we really just want to be alone and other times we are really just asking for attention. Use your best judgment on the situation. Did you just have a fight with her about something small and petty? Then go comfort her. Did you just have a big fight about a serious issue? Give her time to think.

Women are usually more emotional during sex, with the exception of the few who feel nothing and just want to bang you. We like the chemistry, the passion, and yes we like to have fun. But sometimes we want to take it slow and make love. Other times we want passionate, wild sex. It's just who we are. But, sex is more emotional for us in that we tend to feel when we're having sex. So naturally, this is why we become attached sometimes after having sex. A lot of men wonder why a woman becomes so attached after popping her cherry. For most women, their first time is really special, and we hope it's with someone we love and someone who really loves us back. When a woman is with a guy she loses her virginity to, she tends to feel a little clingy at first. Why? Because she just experienced one of the most important days in her life with you. You are the first guy she ever felt so comfortable with. You are the first guy to see her most intimate side and her most vulnerable side. Sex isn't just sex to most woman. It's something deep and personal and we really do think that whoever gets to experience it with us is the luckiest guy alive. If you are in a serious relationship, make sure you make it known how lucky you are to have her.

Guys will NEVER understand what we go through during that time of the month. Nor will you understand what it's like to feel so hormonal. Believe it or not, sometimes we don't know why we get so angry or cry. Our hormones are so out of whack that even we wonder why we just cried uncontrollably at the homeless dog we see everyday on our way to work. We see that dog every day but today we took one look and just sobbed like a baby. And we have no clue why. It sounds funny and it is, but it's something we can't control. Why do we get so angry or annoyed easily? Because of those darn hormones. Do not, i repeat do not try to tell us to suck it up or to get over it when we are hurting, angry, sad, crying, or annoyed. You will see the wrath of Satan inside us. No really, some form of him will come out. All joking aside, some women get very ill during that time of the month. Any part of our body can ache or hurt. What's the best thing to do for us during our period? Be there for us. Offer up a massage or a draw us a bath with candles for us to relax. A warm bath with Epsom salt is a great remedy. If you see us crying, just bring us the box of tissues, don't laugh and don't question it. Don't do anything to anger us. Avoid off topics and if you know what annoys us already, then don't provoke us. Sometimes, it's best to stay away from us all together.

I wont address the immaturity in women and those who play games. What I will address is the women who know what they want. If you are in a mature relationship then chances are you are already with a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't beat around the bush. These are the type of women you men want to surround yourself with. Then there won't be any confusion or nothing complicated about them. A woman who knows what she wants, is much easier to understand. So guys, pay attention, listen up...you won't ever completely understand women. But to get a better understanding about us, you have to have patience, have sympathy, and if you have any questions just ask us! Talk to us, and communicate with us.

Unfortunately there is so much one can write about this topic but that would most likely turn into a book. Women are hard to understand at times, but when you're paired with a good one, it becomes a little easier. What I suggest is not listening to your friends experiences, because every woman is different. No two woman are alike. Stop listening to your bro that says, "women will always be women". Whatever that idiotic statement is supposed to mean; its NOT true and never will be. The biggest mistake men make is listening to other men who think they know it all or think they have all the 411 on women. Sorry to break it to you guys, but I have yet to meet a guy who completely understands a woman. Plus, as I said before, no two women are alike. So you can't base one guy's opinion off of his experiences with women because they are all different.

I personally believe that men aren't meant to understand women completely. Just as we are not meant to fully understand men. There is some level of understanding we should have for each other. To get to this understanding, refer to your own experiences with women. Never have the belief that all women are the same. Never compare.

I'll leave you with some wise words:
     "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood" -Oscar Wilde

Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

'Consciously Uncoupling' vs Nasty Break-ups

A good break-up is a lot less common now a days. How many people do you know, who can say that they had a great break-up with their significant other? How many good breaks-ups can you honestly say you have experienced? 

It seems that all we see on celebrity news lately is nasty celebrity divorces that take months and sometimes years to resolve. Or it seems like most of our friends around us only have bad things to say about their most recent break-up. Up until a couple months ago, no one had ever used the term 'consciously uncoupling'. Yes you heard right. When celebrity actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, were consciously uncoupling, the world seemed to gasp. Not necessarily at the fact that they were basically separating, but particularly at the term they used. 

I can say that most of my break-ups have never ended well. Usually, there was some anger or hurt on one end or the other. But why can't we seem to consciously uncouple from someone? A mutual sepertion and/or break-up that ends quite positively. A lot of relationships of my friends and family seem to have ended by someone cheating on the other or just someone not being happy anymore. Those seem to be the top two reasons why my friends and family in my life breakup with their significant other. 

Deep down, I think we all hope to have a good break-up. It really is as simple as saying "look I'm not happy, you're not happy, let's just agree to go our seperate ways or be friends." It seems so easy, and it really is. We just make everything difficult. Women are usually more emotional, while men are usually less emotional (although this can be opposite), and this is the reason why many break-ups go sour, bitter and just nasty. Bad break-ups are kind of like black licorice, it's twisted, dark and bitter. Some food for thought...literally. 

Metaphors aside, consciously uncoupling should be more common now a days. Maybe next time you're in a relationship and you're not happy or you see that the other person isn't happy, just consciously uncouple from them, and either decide if you both want to go your separate ways and never talk, or remain good friends. Not all break-ups need to be bad, and honestly, you can control that. There's really no need to publicly announce that your ex is a selfish a**hole, who's happens to suddenly be horrible in bed with a tiny penis. And there's no need to publicly post bitter and immature status updates to social media. 

We should all follow in Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's footsteps and do what they did. They are constantly in the spotlight as A-list celebrities, and they went the right route. They amicably broke up, continue to co-parent their kids, and the latest news is that they might even be back together. I just love that every time I see a TMZ clip of a reporter asking Chris Martin if they are back together, he doesn't say yes or no. Because it's really no ones business, and nor should anyones break-ups be. Keep it simple, keep it real, just consciously uncouple. Don't be bitter or psycho, just say hey, it was fun, we tried, and it didn't work. Simple as that. 

Instagram: @jovi_casie

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What happened to human interaction?

While at a Starbucks recently, I noticed something that made me instantly think that people really do need to put down their phones and maybe actually speak to the nice stranger that says hi. 

While sipping on my Venti Iced Passion Tea Lemonade and browsing on my ipad, I suddenly looked up and noticed my surroundings. There was a group of students at the table next to me discussing a book, I  overheard their conversation a little. They were having a really cool discussion, and I kind of wished I was part of this study group. The couple sitting in front of me were literally sitting in silence. Both on their phones, the guy looked around a few times as though he was bored. His girlfriend or wife didn't even notice because she was so 'busy' on Instagram. (When I walked by her to use the restroom I saw it on her iphone screen.) There was one person sitting at the bar area doing homework. One guy sitting behind me doing the same. And an elderly lady reading a book and sipping her coffee even further behind me. Randomly, there was a guy dozing off while listening to his headphones in the back corner. And not surprisingly everyone in line waiting for their drinks were looking at their phones until it was time to order. Not one person seemed to say hi to each other or even smile. As I looked all around me the only people who stood out the most was the group next to me. I was honestly fascinated that such discussions still take place. Why was I so fascinated at what seems like a common thing? Simply because it really isn't that common anymore. 

Why is it so hard for people to socialize in such a small area such as a coffee shop? I understand that some come alone to study, and I think there's nothing wrong with that. These couples or friends that come here to hang out but end up being on their phones the whole time, are just nuts. Yes, nuts! Because they can't interact with the person they came here to hangout with. 

So then something amazing happened as I was observing everyone. An elderly guy came in to enjoy his coffee. He ordered then walked by me looking for somewhere to sit. He found a single table in front of the group of students, so he was to my left but across from me. He must have noticed that I was observing. He smiled at me and I smiled back. A few minutes later, he walked over to me and politely said that he comes in to enjoy a small coffee everyday and that he likes to conversate with new people. Always being the cautious person I am, I was a little reluctant at first. He then asked if he could join me. I told him that I was writing but he could join me for a few minutes. He was really old, and he seemed like one of those nice old people that just wanna talk to someone because they're lonely. Turns out he was. 

He began to tell me about how he comes in everyday and he was widowed and used to come here with his wife when she was still alive. He said he still comes in for his coffee because he likes the company of others. I thought it was so sweet but sad about him loosing his wife. So then he asked me what I did and what I was writing about, so I told him I was a writer and blogger. He was so fascinated by it. I could go on and on about our cool conversation, but it would take a whole other story. The conversation lasted about a good half hour, and the guy was really nice and we had a genuine conversation.

I wish this kind of incident happened more often in life. Had I been one of those many other people too busy on their cell phones, I wouldn't have looked up, and I wouldn't have met a cool person and had that interesting conversation. My point is that we should put down our phones and tablets and iPads, and strike up a conversation.  As Einstein said, " I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots."