The chilling fact is...You don't really know anyone but yourself.

It's the couple you see in the house across from you having dinner together. The man walking his dog at night, the family down the street getting home and getting ready for dinner. The woman who lives alone, the man who lives alone, and the couple that has no children. It's your mailman, a stranger that walked by you, the guy at your local grocery store, and the woman who teaches 10th grade. It's the dad of a friend, it's a female relative, the guy riding his bike, and the couple who walks together. It's the picture perfect couple who sits at dinner, across from each other, smiles politely and continues their elegant dinner that the wife cooked after work, in silence. 

All of these people have one thing in common, they've all either had an affair, raped someone, or more drastically...are a murderer. 

From the movie Gone Girl. The creepy husband with his dead wife.

Have you ever stopped in your tracks and looked around you? Really looked into the eyes of complete strangers or into the fake smiles of your neighbors. For all you know, that lovely neighbor could have murdered 12 children. For all you know you walked by a stranger who just got done raping someone. For all you know, when you sit down at dinner tonight across from your husband or wife, they could be hiding an affair from you and you wouldn't even know it. 

Can we honestly say we truly know the person sleeping next to us at night? Do we really know that they would never harm a hair on anyone? How do you know that? How do you know that one day something won't tick in their mind and make them commit a sinful act? And after they're done, they go home, act like nothing happened, lay next to you in bed, and hold you in their arms.  And yet, you feel so safe in that person's arms. 

Who's to say that guy walking his dog, isn't going to meet up with a woman and have sex with her? Who's to say the couple with the lovely family down the street isn't in an abusive relationship? 

The chilling truth is we don't know. The chilling fact is that you never truly know a person, because you do not control their thoughts or their actions. So what makes us so keen to feeling safe with a significant other? Where in our minds do we really know that our spouse would never harm us or anyone else? 

I people watch, a lot. I love observing people and really feel like you get to know a piece of a stranger just by watching them and their actions. The way they talk to people, the way they have no patience, the way they yell at their wife, or the creepy feeling you get from certain people. You can learn a lot about people just by sitting down on a bench and observing for an hour. 

As I work around so many different people and strangers every day, I think about this from time to time. I think about the thoughts going through someones head. I think about that innocent kiss a husband gives to his wife before leaving to work. I think about that overly uptight couple who properly sit across from each other at dinner, and I think about all their secrets they keep from one another. They seem so perfect, and so neat and proper, but inside they are holding many secrets of unhappiness and deceit. 

It's an even scarier thought that our fathers, mothers, siblings, or grown children can be one of these things; a murderer, a rapist, and adulterer, or an abuser. 

I wonder when did we lose all ration within ourselves to completely give our trust, and really give the safety of our lives to others. When did we become so engulfed in the theory that true love really makes us feel safe from the 'bad guys', when that person could possibly be a 'bad guy'? How do we accept risking our lives for some other person that we love?

Sure, one can argue trust, loyalty, and actions prove that they're safe and not one of the bad guys. But where in the argument can you validate your sureness that they don't have the capability to harm another human being if they so easily choose to? 

It comes down to this...we really don't know. We really can't pick out the good guys from the bad guys. It's so twisted now a days, that the perfect husband could be either or. Simply because it's just human nature, we ignore these evil thoughts, we choose to be naive when deep down inside these thoughts have most likely crossed your mind. 

What scares me most is that the bad people are usually good and the good people are usually bad. How do I really know that the lovely man who just smiled at me isn't a serial rapist or murderer? It's questions that repeatedly go through our minds. It's logic vs reality. It's empathy vs adversity. It's you against them. 

Tonight when you're lying in bed collecting your thoughts from the day, look over at your spouse, look at the picture of your children all grown up, look at the pictures of your family. Ask yourself how much you do you really know about the closest people in your life? Then turn over and fall asleep, and forget all about those scary thoughts. Because this article will make you think, but chances are you will block the thoughts out of your mind forever and continue on with your day to day life. You'll wake up, kiss your husband on the lips before he heads to work, wave hello to your neighbors, have a nice but brief conversation with the barista at Starbucks, then head to work and be around people you see more than your family. The day will go on, the week will come to an end, and a new week will start. You'll probably never have these horrid thoughts again. Your life will go on. And maybe none of those people will ever commit one of those sins, or maybe they will. But what do you care, so long as it isn't happening to you right?

Laci & Scott Peterson. They seemed like a happy couple, a handsome guy and a beautiful girl. If you passed them in the street you would probably never think Scott looked like a murderer. But he was. 

When curiosity becomes reality

You pull out of that driveway, you take a quick look in the rear view mirror, then take a deep breath. You ask yourself, "Did that really just happen?". Moments later you're on your way home and the flashbacks start coming. One moment you're thinking about how you're going to have to act normal in front of your husband, the next minute you're remembering your lover ripping off your clothes. You can't help but feel this guilty pleasure, yet a satisfaction about what just happened. Every emotion is running through your body and every thought that races through your mind, is of the last two hours. You keep picturing your lover on top of you, behind you, pleasuring you, lusting...for you and only you. 

This is an all too familiar scene of real life. I've heard the stories countless times, over and over again, told in different ways. The first and initial excitement of having an affair for the first time. Whether it was someone  cheating on their spouse or someone sleeping with someones spouse, it was some type of affair. There's a chill that runs through the room when you hear these stories. I know people who take pleasure in the excitement alone. I know people who felt so guilty and never did it again. And I know people who got obsessed and drawn into that world of adultery, sex, lies and the adrenaline rush of it all.

How does someone go from a seemingly normal life to this? I believe there are so many different reasons. From the unhappy housewife, to the husband who felt like he settled and wanted 'more'. 'More'... A common phrase I hear in all of these scenarios. "I just wanted more, I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to feel loved and I wanted the attention". 

As I sit back and reflect on other peoples curiosities, I started to reflect on my own. I've never cheated on a boyfriend. But the curiosity struck me once. Did I act on it? No. But I understand why people do act on it. I'm not saying it's right, because it isn't. But in the world we live in today, monogamy seems to be rare. Curiosity is in all of us. It's in those who are unhappy. It's in those who are completely happy. Every person has their reason for cheating. Every person has their reason for their curiosity. 

I had a friend who was completely happy with his wife, but he also had a girlfriend on the side. He said the sex with both was good but both women offered up different things for him. I personally don't get it, but people have their reasons. I have another friend who practically gets off from having sex with married guys. She says it's the excitement of it all. Being someone else's secret turns her on and the fact that it even is a secret turns both of them on and leads to incredible sex in different places. I have a friend who is married, and recently cheated for the first time and described the whole experience to me. She said it was amazing. But that she would never do it again. She was unhappy with her marriage and her and her husband rarely had sex. But once she experienced that thrilling night with a handsome stranger, she went back home and had sex with her husband. Now she says their sex life is incredible. All because of that experience. 

I understand curiosity. We all have it. Some of us don't act on it and just fantasize about it, while others do act on it and get their excitement that way. It seems to me that a lot of people are not attracted to the idea of being monogamous. But why? Are people such cowards that they can't break up with a person before cheating on them? Are people so obsessed with the pure excitement of adultery? My guess is both. There are a lot of people who see nothing wrong with this because this is unfortunately so normal. In the world of adultery, comes lies, sex and obsession with everything in between. My only question is, how many of you have acted on your curiosities? If you have already acted on it, why did you? 

Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

8 ways to get through that horrible break-up

Ever had one of those break ups where you just wanna curl up and watch movies in bed for like a week straight? Not having a single care about your hair, make-up, or your life. Just isolating yourself from the world and taking that time to cry it out. We've all been there. I think taking a week off from life is ok. But more than that isn't doing any justice to yourself. 2 days is too little, and 2 weeks it too long. 

Mending a broken heart doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen in a few weeks either. When you have been in a relationship with someone for 2 or more years and you were so deeply in love with them, it's usually a pretty hard breakup, especially on your heart. The immediate stop in communication between you two, seems like a huge change in what was usually an ordinary occurrence for you. It's hard. Stepping back out into the world is also hard. You start to see things that remind you of that person. You run into his family or friends...and you want to break down and cry. 

Eventually that will pass, with time, you heal and move on. And even when it seems like you never will, you will. How do you get over these hard break-ups? Well I would suggest following the list below. Use this as your break-up bible. Because in a sense, it's the main thing that's going to get you out of bed and be able to begin to move forward. 

Cut off all communication with him.

That torturous moment the day after your break-up, you don't receive a single text or call, and it hurts like Hell, it really does. And you are tempted to text him, but don't! Many people are tempted to stay friends with their ex at first. I did that once, but one of my good friends kept getting on my butt about it. "Don't talk to him, don't communicate with him" she told me. At first I didn't listen, and then when I did, it started to make sense. About a month or so after our breakup I got into an argument with him and I cut off all ties to him. I was beyond done at that point. So, trust me when I say that going cold turkey and cutting off communication will help you in the long run. And then in a year or so, if you happen to run into him and you two are able to remain friends, then do it. By that time you should be in a much better place and most likely you'll have moved on from him by then, so a friendship won't be as awkward. 

Use that week off from life productively! 

Sure take the first day to lay in bed all day, but after that, spend that time doing things and keeping busy. You don't need to go outside. Do things around your house or have a couple of your girl friends over for some ice-cream and movies. And maybe some Wine. By doing this, you're giving yourself time to grieve and cry, but at least you are being productive. You are getting some things done around the house, finishing that DIY project that you never got around to, or even getting some home workouts in. Which brings me to my next point.

Find an aggressive workout routine.

This is not the time to do yoga, you have plenty of time for meditation later. Immediately following your break-up, you want to find a fast paced and aggressive workout regimen. It's a great way to release the anger and stress and a great way to stay productive during that first week off and afterwards as well. I remember during one of my breakups, I was having an intense workout on my elliptical and my angry thoughts of him were fueling my workout. I was going hard, and then I broke down crying. Honestly, It was the best kind of cry, I was releasing him from my mind and releasing my anger. Another plus from this, is keeping off the extra weight we usually put on after a break-up. Yea sometimes we just want to let ourselves go and not have a care in the world. But don't do that, you want to look and feel good when you finally decide to go out. 

Go out with your girls!

At the end of that week, set up a night out with your girls. At this point you have cried pretty much all day everyday, and you need to force yourself to get up, shower, put on something sexy and those cute pair of heels and some red lipstick. Hit up a bar or club with your girls. It's the best kind of therapy. Your friends know you're going through a rough time so they are going to want to take your mind off of it and make you feel as good as possible. Don't be afraid, have fun, after all you're a single woman now!

Don't have a rebound guy.

We've all read those articles about how having a guy to rebound with is good and a good way to know that you're over your ex. No. I say no, because what if that guy really likes you or you start to like him. You don't want to mix those feelings so quickly after a breakup. I know some will disagree with me in this, but it's not just our hearts that need time to heal, it's our mind, body and soul that needs time to heal. Going out and having sex with some guy you met at the pub isn't going to make you feel better. And when you have alcohol in your system, you don't have a clear head. So make sure on that girls night out, you are sticking around them, not trying to find some guy to rebound with. 

Find your meditation or your calm and peaceful place.

After about 3 weeks, you are still going to be hurting, that feeling won't go away right away, remember that. But this is just another thing to do to get your mind off of your current situation and begin the healing process. Meditate, or find a place that gives you peace of mind. Now is the time to add yoga into that aggressive workout routine. I found that going hard in a fast paced cardio, then jumping into a yoga sesh after was both beneficial for me and rewarding. I would do like 30 minutes of cardio, sometimes an hour, and then go into my meditation mode with a few yoga positions and just sitting their in silence, while calming my mind. It paid off big time in the end. My mind slowly but surely began to eliminate the anger and hurt. I started focusing on the well being of my body, mind and soul. It may sound corny but let me tell you, it really did help me! 

Once you are done with the healing process, start learning how to love yourself.

Some people already know hoe to love their self and that's awesome. That's how it should be. But for those who are having trouble, going through the healing process isn't just about mending your broken heart and eliminating your anger, hurt and sadness; it's about finding you again. It's about learning to love yourself, so that the next break up won't be as hard. I previously wrote a blog about learning to love yourself, but I will briefly say here, that the best way to get over bad breakups or any negativity life throws at us, is to already know what it means to love yourself. Once you know what that means and once you have found out how to love yourself, everything becomes much easier. Break-ups, negative moments, everything. It really does. I promise you that if you take the time to love yourself first, you start to understand things better and you start to realize that their is no need for so much hurt or anger in these break-ups. 

Lastly, start to live.

When you start living your life again, while doing all the above mentioned, things start to fall into place. Perhaps you want to go after that promotion, or maybe you want to spend more time with a family member or a friend. Go do it. Start doing things that benefit your well being and when you start to do these things, make sure that you are doing it for yourself first. It's ok to be a little selfish in this scenario. After all, that's what you are focusing on during the breakup period. You are focusing on a better you and focusing on your own life. When you begin to live, things start coming to you unexpectedly; that promotion or raise, that guy you started flirting with at your local Starbucks, the family member you are trying to mend things with, and even new friends. 

When you start to love yourself, it exudes to the people and environment around you. Happiness spreads as much as negativity does. So find your happiness, find that peaceful place, and start to live again. And the next time you go through a break-up, remember these tips, it will only help you get through it much easier. 

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Why men cheat

Recently I have read many articles on why men cheat. From facts and statistics to the writers opinion, those articles all had some truth to it. Also, why does society accept cheating? Is it because they don't want to mess up what they think is a 'good' relationship in their eyes, or are they in denial?

After doing a lot of research and even asking my friends a list of questions about their love life, I've come to conclude that there is no exact answer as to why. Obviously right? What I can say, definitively, is that cheating is sadly a 'norm'. But I believe that it shouldn't be. What constitutes a persons right to cheat on someone and not have the decency to just end the relationship before hand? I believe a lot of men are just selfish. They have their cake and they want to eat it too. I'm not talking about all guys, just the cheaters.

Whether your girlfriend is wonderful or a psycho, no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be cheated on. If you don't like her, break it off. If you do like her, then why cheat? A lot of men feel the need of masculinity and dominance; this dates back to the caveman days. This needs to stop. What gives men the right to act on an urge because they think it was their given right since the dawn of time?

I once dated a guy who had an obsession with having to talk to a female pretty much every day. Sadly, this guy still believes he has never done anything wrong and this guy has so many underlying issues and he refuses to face them and acknowledge them. He is in his late 30s, which means he will never change and I've predicted that he will never settle down, so far I'm right. While we were together, he was constantly on Facebook chatting inappropriately with other women, and always on these raunchy dating sites. It's like he felt like he needed self-reassurance. Yes, because a nasty looking woman said she liked you, you are almighty and powerful (beats chest). Do you get the sarcasm there? Anyway, this guy was obsessed with it, and he never deleted his conversations. Not to mention he tried to hook up with most of these women. 

I never really confronted him about it because a part of me was scared to at the time. Until the day we broke up, when I confronted him about it. He didn't even look me in the eye when I asked him to just tell me the truth because it was over already. He still denied it like a coward. As if it was his fantasy world or something. 

Funny thing was that I did some research on his past relationships and the relationships he had after me and it all came down to the same reason as to why they broke up. He always tried to find something he thought was wrong with the woman he was with and he tried to be an analyzer and play 'Mr. Fix It'. What's even funnier is that most of these 'problems' were not problems. He just had that need, again, to point out a very small flaw and make it into something big. And he would always tell the woman she needed to fix it or else they couldn't be together. Point is, he was a jackass, and he had extreme emotional issues since he was kid. He never dealt with them and it has affected his relationships through most of his adult life. After that guy and I broke up, a lot of family and friends said I would be 'the one that got away' for him. 

There are a lot of men who are in denial of their issues and for that reason, it will always affect their relationships. People will cheat and they will continue to. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and just tell yourself, "Love yourself, you're a beautiful and strong woman, and no person will ever change that, no person will ever define you, no person can ever hurt you unless you allow them to". 

It all comes down to this. Stop wondering why so many guys cheat and just focus on finding the one who won't do that to you. One thing I can't stand is when women post dumb and immature status updates or quotes saying things like, 'I guess I can't trust anyone'. Or 'All men cheat, I'll never find a good one'. Women who loose hope in finding a good guy are just people who give up. Or those women are probably immature and don't have a whole lot of self-love. (See a previous blog I wrote on 'self love and learning how to love yourself'). Men will cheat, there's usually not much we can do to stop it from happening. You just have to learn to move on from him and move forward without him. 

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