Well done, Apple!

Apple has seemingly managed to catch up with the future. After downloading IOS 8, I am now even more excited to use it on my new iphone. I have yet to decide which one I want...iphone6 or iphone6 plus. Decisions, decisions.

What I know for sure is that I love the new face lift and software. Many tweaks and upgrades, most of which you already know or have heard about. I'm still getting used to some of it, such as the swipe to type app that you can integrate into the keyboard. That's neat but will take a little time to get used to. The new features on the camera are awesome. Can you say selfie timer? The time lapse option is pretty cool too, although it can be confusing for those who have never used a time lapse app before.

Siri improved supposedly, but I don't see that big of a difference - she's still a smart ass, for lack of better words. The tips app is helpful, and I especially like the Health Kit App. One thing I'm excited for is the pay as you go app where you will be able to pay with your iphone instead of physical currency. Bravo Apple!

Overall, from the small tweaks to the big updates, Apple did good in my book. Next week I will make my decision on which iphone I will be getting and purchase it in October. I know for sure I want the gold one and I want 64gb. The question is the 6 or 6 plus? My only issue with the 6 plus is it not fitting in my pocket or just being too big. But I saw that it was the first to sell out! Tell me your thoughts in the comments below on what you think is better. The 6 or 6 plus...and which one will you be getting?

Share your thoughts/excitement/opinions below. I want to hear from you.

Xoxo

Tips & Essentials for your Office Space

Since I am a busy writer who also has a daytime job in retail; I am naturally a very organized person. With my OCD in organization, comes a very organized office space. It's where I do all my writing, and handle my business with the websites I work for. Being a writer means you are going to take and keep lots of notes, need to have writing guides in hands reach and of course a place for my subscriptions to Elle Magazine and Cosmopolitan.

From note-taking, to Skype calls/meetings, and jotting down ideas daily I finally ordered my own Agenda from Kate Spade New York. I need it so badly to start writing down my dates for when I turn in my articles, when i post to my blog, my meetings and other necessary dates related to my life as a writer.

Here are a few things on my desk that I absolutely need to keep me organized and working efficiently:

• Small sticky notes - So that I can post them on the side of my laptop for quick reminders
• Tape, a stapler, paper clips, pens, highlighters - The essential office supplies that I use almost daily
• Several stylish notepads - Gotta have the good style right?
• My laptop and Ipad - Thats just a must. I usually have both devices up and running while working/writing
• Two polka-dot tin cans - One for my pens and such and the other for my small paper trash
• Letter Filer - I need this to file my notes and such. I also have a regular file cabinet for everything else
• Coaster and Coffee mug - I'm a coffee drinker, who isn't?
• A place for my magazines - Because I love having them handy and on display
• A cork board - Great for pinning notes and reminders, or just ideas. 

What's in my drawers and storage bins? Extra supplies, notepads, sticky notes, journals, and documents. I also love to add a couple accessories/decor. Check out the pictures below of my office space and other spaces I am in love with. 

My Desk

My Desk

My Desk

Summer Date ideas

Whether you're getting to know someone or in a relationship, summer is the time to move things outdoors. From beautiful hikes to rooftops pools, this is the season to go outdoors and have fun, all the while mixing in some romance. Some of my favorite dates have been in the summer. We're free to explore the beauty if our city and explore other cities as well. So be sure to get these dates in before summer ends!

Movies in the park at sunset
Cuddling up with your special someone, with a blanket and an outdoor screening of Casablanca. Watching that sunset go down as the movie starts is even more romantic. Most major cities have movies in the park with a backdrop of your city skyline. So it's sure to be a beautiful night.

Hiking
Taking a hike around sunset or sunrise can be both romantic and establish a great connection. Also a great way to get to know someone if you're dating.

Picnic
A picnic in the park on a beautiful summer day or a picnic by the beach. That's a good way to soak in the sun and the romance in the air. Ooh-la la

Backyard dinner 
If you have a decent looking or great backyard, it's easy to snazz it up yourself and set up a dinner table on a warm summer night. All it takes is some flowers, a few candles, some great food and a little music if you please.

Wine tasting
Switch it up by going to a nearby wine tasting or an outdoor vineyard (if you have one near you). Sipping on some fine wine with your significant other can really up the romance. There's nothing like  wine and wine country.
Note: If you don't like wine, go beer tasting instead. Everyone has different tastes and different styles.

Beach/Pier walk
Taking a leisurely stroll on your local pier can be lots of fun. Spending the day on the beach, having a couple cocktails and munching on some good sliders. When sunset comes, being on the pier is the perfect location for you and your main squeeze.

Visiting the local Farmers Market
If you're a guy, taking your date to the farmers market can be a great way to romance her. Buying her a beautiful fresh bouquet of flowers and trying delicious food of all cultures. You get to know each other that way. It may lead to fun food and cultural discussions and memories to come. "Do you remember that Indian food we tried and the cool story the nice man was telling us about how his cooking lead to finding his love? Remember that was on our first date?"

Rooftop fun

Head to a rooftop bar for some drinks and dancing. Nothing says summer fun like a night out, literally.

Boat/Bike ride
From mini sunset cruises to renting beach cruisers on the boardwalk, most cities offer some great scenic fun. Take your date on a boat cruise around the Bay or even take your own two bikes out for a scenic ride. If you're lucky to live in a city that boasts both the city life and the country life, then take those bikes out to the country for a romantic bike ride and maybe even a picnic.

Take it to another City

Nothing tops a date idea like getting away for the weekend with your significant other. I once went on a little getaway weekend to Newport Beach, which is less than a two hour drive from where I live. My then boyfriend and I spent the whole weekend, at the beach, sightseeing, relaxing, romantic dinners, and taking in the sunsets. Taking the date to a whole other city, is a fun way to enjoy the summer, while taking a little mini vacation. Also if you're newly dating someone, it's a great way to get to know them. 

What's great about all these ideas is that the majority of them are not expensive ideas and some are even free. Most cities offer movies in the park for free. Hiking is absolutely free and that backyard dinner is practically free as well. So this summer, take your dates outdoors, have some fun, and soak up the romance in the warm summer air.

Be the CEO of your Life!

Being an independent person is one of the most valuable and most rewarding assets you could ever have in your life. Taking charge of your own life and of your own existence should empower you to do and be a better person in life, because there is always room for improvement. 

I see it everyday, in family and friends...people who depend on others. Independence does not come easy. It takes a lot of hard work and it takes a certain confidence in yourself to be able to step out into the world on your own. From purchasing your first car to buying your first home, being independent is so rewarding. I like to say that when you work hard and strive for the best, then there isn't anything you can't achieve. When you invest your time in schooling and/or your career, that's how you get ahead. Being independent and in control of your life, however, comes from within. 

Being an independent person doesn't just mean achieving our materialistic wants, it also means achieving self awareness. Knowing who you are and what defines you. Knowing that no one but yourself can define the person you are. The gratification of knowing what it means to love yourself outweighs the momentary gratification of having a materialistic item. As people say...money isn't everything; but self empowerment on the other hand, will give you happiness for the rest of your life. In order to start feeling and being independent, I believe it takes knowing who you are and being self aware of your love for yourself.

For those who don't know how to gain independence follow my advice and hear these words when I say, go boldly in the direction you seek. If you see yourself in a situation that is holding you back, then do what you need to, to move forward from it. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that there are some who were raised in an abusive and/or controlling environment. For these people, I must urge you to recognize that those environments and those people do NOT define you. They do not decide what you do with the rest of your life, nor do they dictate your thoughts. Be the best you, empower yourself, surround yourself with positive, strong, independent people. Those people are the ones who will empower you and encourage you, not bring you down or remind you of your past. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Meg Jay, "The unlived life is not worth examining". Don't look back, only look forward. 

It's hard to imagine yourself in a place in your life you are unfamiliar with. It's hard to envision yourself being someone your are currently not. But gaining your independence doesn't happen over night. For me, it took a little therapy because I needed help examining my life and figuring out who I was. Then I started to read books upon books, and articles. All of which were about being independent, loving yourself, letting go of the negative aspects in your life, what defines you, and how to take all that information and utilize it in your life. If you put forth both the effort and time, I guarantee you, it will be rewarding. There's no better feeling than waking up every day of your life and feeling an inner peace in your heart and mind. Whether you are spiritual, religious or neither, finding that inner peace is a gratifying feeling. 

Independence comes from within and from taking control over your life. Once you have that control of your inner peace and your life, it's time to announce your independence because you've done it. You've learned what it means to go through life not only empowering yourself, but empowering others as well. Most importantly, you've been through many lows to get to these great highs and you now know what defines you. Once you know what it is to have all of this, you're independent, you're strong, and you're the CEO of your own life. Embrace it.

Why Your Twenties Matter

When you are in your twenties, I think there comes a point in your life where you have to just stop and examine your life. Where am I going? What am I going to do for my career? Am I going to get married and settle down right away? Should I just take a job that I hate but will pay me well? Should I have kids soon or wait until my thirties? Or can I just cruise through my twenties and then start life?

These are just a few of many questions that go through the mind of a twenty something year old person. As a person who is in her twenties (23 going on 24 in a few months), I know what it feels like to feel lost and feel somewhat stuck in life. It's an unsettling feeling and it can be very stressful. 

I see this most in the following two categories of people in their twenties: The ones who just graduated college or grad school and don't know what they want to do with their degree and are possibly still living at home. And the ones who go from job to job or have a mediocre job; are struggling to make ends meet and don't know how to go back to college or don't know what direction to go in. 

It can be really hard and even depressing. After reading an amazing book, feeling this way myself, and doing some soul searching, I stopped thinking that way. I'm going after things I want. I am working hard and saving up money, I have a 5 year plan and I will meet my goals. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take some time. But there are things I plan to accomplish before I turn 30. And I want to be at a certain place in my life by the time I'm 26. It's going to take a lot of motivation and a lot of focus. At the end of the day, it's all about determination, dedication, and devotion. I plan to succeed in all three areas. 

The book I read was an eye opener. Written by a clinical psychologist who was also a clinical professor at the University of Virginia; Meg Jay studied twentysomethings for most of her career. It was her focus and and she spent years understanding people in their twenties and everything about them and their lives. The book is called "The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now". She goes on about several clients she has over the years and examining the differences between clients in their twenties and thirties. One of Meg Jay's points is that so many people think that our thirties are our defining decade. But we are so wrong- it's actually our twenties that matter. Believe it or not, a lot of people believe the defining decade is their thirties; even I did. Until I read this life changing book. 

What stood out most to me, was that she speaks about how these defining moments are already happening in our twenties, and how most of us don't even recognize them. She goes on to say that the book is about recognizing these moments that define us in our twenties and how to make the most of them right now. For those who don't think our twenties matter, I urge you to re-evaluate that thought process and realize that they really do! Read her book; it really puts some things into perspective, and it will possibly change your mind set on your own life, as it did for me. 

Re-evaluate where you are in your life, stop and think about what's going on in your life. From your relationships with family members, your hobbies and interests, your friends, your career, and your goals in life. Trust me when I say you will thank me for introducing you to my blog and to Meg Jay's book, and you will thank Meg Jay also for writing that book. 

What I love most about her philosophy is that she thinks differently than your typical psychologist. She went against what most therapists would tell their clients and she expresses such strong and powerful beliefs in her philosophies on therapy. The following quote is one of my favorites from her book. 

     "The unlived life is not worth examining" -Sheldon Kopp

Every time I read it, I feel the power in that message and its meaning. It means that we shouldn't look back at the life we haven't lived, but only look at the life we can start to live. 

Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

Waterfront Fireworks

It's the 4th of July and the scene from Downtown San Diego is bumper to bumper traffic, all streets near the harbor and Seaport Village are closed off for pedestrians and people from all around come to enjoy the spectacular Big Bay Boom fireworks show. It's the biggest fireworks display west of Mississippi, and the best 4th of July event on the West coast. 

The city prepares 13,000 pounds of fireworks on 4 different barges around the San Diego Bay for a 21 minute show. People come from all over the United States and from different parts of the world to see the show that make your eyes glow with red, white, and blue lights. Best seen from Seaport Village, Harbor Island, the Broadway Pier, the Embarcadero, or Coronado, the show stretches across the waters of the bay to impress onlookers all around. 

Last year I had the once in a lifetime chance to see the show, in basically VIP seats from a gorgeous Yacht, anchored in the middle of the bay. A family friend generously offered my family and friends his yacht to cruise around the bay all day and into the night. So with about 20 people on board, plenty of delicious food and drinks to last us all day, we launched from a pier in Glorrietta Bay. We cruised all around the bay, then eventually set the anchor with views of Coronado on our left and the heart of Downtown San Diego on our right. I have never seen a more beautiful sight of our skyline than I did on that day. 

Once 9pm came around, the music started and so did the show. The pictures you see below don't compare to our actual view, althought a camera never perfectly captures the eyes view. The first firework went up in the air and exploded with a big boom. It was beautiful. You could physically feel each burst of firework. That's how close we were. And to see them we had to look strait above us. Not to mention that you could see the other fireworks shooting up in the air from the surrounding barges. It was a view like no other. I'll never forget the look on everyone's faces. Here we were, all adults and everyone stared in awe as though we were all kids for that moment, amazed with the lights and the overwhelming sound. 

Pictures from our Yacht taken by me.
           My personal favorite is this one

So for your next Fourth of July, if you are looking for something new and exciting to do, come so San Diego. For those of us who are so lucky to live here already, if up you have yet to do so, go see this amazing show. You will not be disappointed! 

Writers note: The top picture of this article/blog was a picture from Flickr of last nights show. The rest of the pictures were taken by me. Not the best of quality, but they were taken on my old iphone 4, with very minimal editing. All pics can be found on my Instagram: @jovi_casie . 

8 ways to get through that horrible break-up

Ever had one of those break ups where you just wanna curl up and watch movies in bed for like a week straight? Not having a single care about your hair, make-up, or your life. Just isolating yourself from the world and taking that time to cry it out. We've all been there. I think taking a week off from life is ok. But more than that isn't doing any justice to yourself. 2 days is too little, and 2 weeks it too long. 

Mending a broken heart doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen in a few weeks either. When you have been in a relationship with someone for 2 or more years and you were so deeply in love with them, it's usually a pretty hard breakup, especially on your heart. The immediate stop in communication between you two, seems like a huge change in what was usually an ordinary occurrence for you. It's hard. Stepping back out into the world is also hard. You start to see things that remind you of that person. You run into his family or friends...and you want to break down and cry. 

Eventually that will pass, with time, you heal and move on. And even when it seems like you never will, you will. How do you get over these hard break-ups? Well I would suggest following the list below. Use this as your break-up bible. Because in a sense, it's the main thing that's going to get you out of bed and be able to begin to move forward. 

Cut off all communication with him.

That torturous moment the day after your break-up, you don't receive a single text or call, and it hurts like Hell, it really does. And you are tempted to text him, but don't! Many people are tempted to stay friends with their ex at first. I did that once, but one of my good friends kept getting on my butt about it. "Don't talk to him, don't communicate with him" she told me. At first I didn't listen, and then when I did, it started to make sense. About a month or so after our breakup I got into an argument with him and I cut off all ties to him. I was beyond done at that point. So, trust me when I say that going cold turkey and cutting off communication will help you in the long run. And then in a year or so, if you happen to run into him and you two are able to remain friends, then do it. By that time you should be in a much better place and most likely you'll have moved on from him by then, so a friendship won't be as awkward. 

Use that week off from life productively! 

Sure take the first day to lay in bed all day, but after that, spend that time doing things and keeping busy. You don't need to go outside. Do things around your house or have a couple of your girl friends over for some ice-cream and movies. And maybe some Wine. By doing this, you're giving yourself time to grieve and cry, but at least you are being productive. You are getting some things done around the house, finishing that DIY project that you never got around to, or even getting some home workouts in. Which brings me to my next point.

Find an aggressive workout routine.

This is not the time to do yoga, you have plenty of time for meditation later. Immediately following your break-up, you want to find a fast paced and aggressive workout regimen. It's a great way to release the anger and stress and a great way to stay productive during that first week off and afterwards as well. I remember during one of my breakups, I was having an intense workout on my elliptical and my angry thoughts of him were fueling my workout. I was going hard, and then I broke down crying. Honestly, It was the best kind of cry, I was releasing him from my mind and releasing my anger. Another plus from this, is keeping off the extra weight we usually put on after a break-up. Yea sometimes we just want to let ourselves go and not have a care in the world. But don't do that, you want to look and feel good when you finally decide to go out. 

Go out with your girls!

At the end of that week, set up a night out with your girls. At this point you have cried pretty much all day everyday, and you need to force yourself to get up, shower, put on something sexy and those cute pair of heels and some red lipstick. Hit up a bar or club with your girls. It's the best kind of therapy. Your friends know you're going through a rough time so they are going to want to take your mind off of it and make you feel as good as possible. Don't be afraid, have fun, after all you're a single woman now!

Don't have a rebound guy.

We've all read those articles about how having a guy to rebound with is good and a good way to know that you're over your ex. No. I say no, because what if that guy really likes you or you start to like him. You don't want to mix those feelings so quickly after a breakup. I know some will disagree with me in this, but it's not just our hearts that need time to heal, it's our mind, body and soul that needs time to heal. Going out and having sex with some guy you met at the pub isn't going to make you feel better. And when you have alcohol in your system, you don't have a clear head. So make sure on that girls night out, you are sticking around them, not trying to find some guy to rebound with. 

Find your meditation or your calm and peaceful place.

After about 3 weeks, you are still going to be hurting, that feeling won't go away right away, remember that. But this is just another thing to do to get your mind off of your current situation and begin the healing process. Meditate, or find a place that gives you peace of mind. Now is the time to add yoga into that aggressive workout routine. I found that going hard in a fast paced cardio, then jumping into a yoga sesh after was both beneficial for me and rewarding. I would do like 30 minutes of cardio, sometimes an hour, and then go into my meditation mode with a few yoga positions and just sitting their in silence, while calming my mind. It paid off big time in the end. My mind slowly but surely began to eliminate the anger and hurt. I started focusing on the well being of my body, mind and soul. It may sound corny but let me tell you, it really did help me! 

Once you are done with the healing process, start learning how to love yourself.

Some people already know hoe to love their self and that's awesome. That's how it should be. But for those who are having trouble, going through the healing process isn't just about mending your broken heart and eliminating your anger, hurt and sadness; it's about finding you again. It's about learning to love yourself, so that the next break up won't be as hard. I previously wrote a blog about learning to love yourself, but I will briefly say here, that the best way to get over bad breakups or any negativity life throws at us, is to already know what it means to love yourself. Once you know what that means and once you have found out how to love yourself, everything becomes much easier. Break-ups, negative moments, everything. It really does. I promise you that if you take the time to love yourself first, you start to understand things better and you start to realize that their is no need for so much hurt or anger in these break-ups. 

Lastly, start to live.

When you start living your life again, while doing all the above mentioned, things start to fall into place. Perhaps you want to go after that promotion, or maybe you want to spend more time with a family member or a friend. Go do it. Start doing things that benefit your well being and when you start to do these things, make sure that you are doing it for yourself first. It's ok to be a little selfish in this scenario. After all, that's what you are focusing on during the breakup period. You are focusing on a better you and focusing on your own life. When you begin to live, things start coming to you unexpectedly; that promotion or raise, that guy you started flirting with at your local Starbucks, the family member you are trying to mend things with, and even new friends. 

When you start to love yourself, it exudes to the people and environment around you. Happiness spreads as much as negativity does. So find your happiness, find that peaceful place, and start to live again. And the next time you go through a break-up, remember these tips, it will only help you get through it much easier. 

 Instagram: @jovi_casie

Jovi.casie@gmail.com

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Text-lationships and revealing your true self

In the most recent generation of young adults, we are seeing so many new terms and made up words for our technology driven lives. From Tinder dates, to sexting, to twerking....well how about text-lationships? Sounds a bit crazy, but it's the newest term being used. And I'm about to give you all the inside scoop.

Have you ever found yourself wanting to be in a relationship, so you go on Tinder or meet someone in person, and then how does it begin 99% of the time? With sending each other a multitude of texts daily until you meet up for the first date. Recently I spoke to a friend who met this seemingly great guy. She said they met on tinder, texted for about two weeks (making sure he wasn't some creep), then decided to meet up for the first time. She was so excited, and she couldn't wait to meet him, after all, they talked daily and exchanged goodmorning texts to goodnight texts. It seemed great! Until they met in person. They had nothing to talk about on their first date. She said it was so awkward. They never saw each other again, and the multitude of texts, suddenly stopped altogether. 

You see, I think a lot of us get so caught up hiding behind our phones, in every aspect, that we forget how to be humans, literally and physically. And in these cases, we develop a text-lationship with someone, feeling more comfortable behind the phone than in person. I would describe a text-lationship as a relationship between two people, and the only form of contact or communication is texting. You don't see that person, you don't talk on the phone, just text. It's really both as simple and lame as that. 

This generation of young adults is so technology driven that we are forgetting who we are, and how to interact. When did we become so comfortable with the idea of hiding behind a cell phone. When did it become okay of us to become a whole other person because we don't need to meet in person. I mean, wake up people! I see this newest trend happening more and more. And it really shouldn't be. 

We've all been subject to this in one form of another. Even if it's innocently texting just get to know the person before meeting up. My advice:

1. Hold off on the texting, no cute texts such as goodmorning or goodnight, until after you meet.
2. If you want to get to know the person, pick up the phone. Keep the primary conversations short, until after you meet in person. Trust me when I say, it will help your relationship in the long run.
3. And most guys like a woman who plays hard to get, not too much, just a little. If they do text you, wait like 10 minutes to text them back, don't respond right away every time.

These aren't rules, just advice. I don't believe in rules when it comes to dating and relationships. These are just a few ways to get a relationship started off the right way and how to avoid a text-lationship.

In the generation of Instagram celebrities, it's so easy to jump on the bandwagon. A lot of people make up this alternate persona, appealing to the Instagram audience, only to boost their popularity with people they don't even know. Saddest part? We're nothing like our Instagram profiles. We usually appear skinnier, smarter, and are amateur photographers. We seemingly live a very awesome life, when in reality, most of these people hate their jobs, are overwhelmed with their kids, and some are not happy in their romantic relationships. But as always, their Instagram profile says otherwise.

With all these new and quirky terms, technology is taking over our lives, but don't let it. You want to be in a real relationship and represent your true self? Then leave behind the social media, the rules, and the technology. You tell me if you see a change in your relationships and/or dating...because the chances are good that you will.


Writer's note: This video I included below, from Youtube, is a perfect example of everything I mentioned in this Blog/Article. PLease take the time to share this video and my blog. Thank you

Instagram: @jovi_casie

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxVZYiJKl1Y

'Consciously Uncoupling' vs Nasty Break-ups

A good break-up is a lot less common now a days. How many people do you know, who can say that they had a great break-up with their significant other? How many good breaks-ups can you honestly say you have experienced? 

It seems that all we see on celebrity news lately is nasty celebrity divorces that take months and sometimes years to resolve. Or it seems like most of our friends around us only have bad things to say about their most recent break-up. Up until a couple months ago, no one had ever used the term 'consciously uncoupling'. Yes you heard right. When celebrity actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, were consciously uncoupling, the world seemed to gasp. Not necessarily at the fact that they were basically separating, but particularly at the term they used. 

I can say that most of my break-ups have never ended well. Usually, there was some anger or hurt on one end or the other. But why can't we seem to consciously uncouple from someone? A mutual sepertion and/or break-up that ends quite positively. A lot of relationships of my friends and family seem to have ended by someone cheating on the other or just someone not being happy anymore. Those seem to be the top two reasons why my friends and family in my life breakup with their significant other. 

Deep down, I think we all hope to have a good break-up. It really is as simple as saying "look I'm not happy, you're not happy, let's just agree to go our seperate ways or be friends." It seems so easy, and it really is. We just make everything difficult. Women are usually more emotional, while men are usually less emotional (although this can be opposite), and this is the reason why many break-ups go sour, bitter and just nasty. Bad break-ups are kind of like black licorice, it's twisted, dark and bitter. Some food for thought...literally. 

Metaphors aside, consciously uncoupling should be more common now a days. Maybe next time you're in a relationship and you're not happy or you see that the other person isn't happy, just consciously uncouple from them, and either decide if you both want to go your separate ways and never talk, or remain good friends. Not all break-ups need to be bad, and honestly, you can control that. There's really no need to publicly announce that your ex is a selfish a**hole, who's happens to suddenly be horrible in bed with a tiny penis. And there's no need to publicly post bitter and immature status updates to social media. 

We should all follow in Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's footsteps and do what they did. They are constantly in the spotlight as A-list celebrities, and they went the right route. They amicably broke up, continue to co-parent their kids, and the latest news is that they might even be back together. I just love that every time I see a TMZ clip of a reporter asking Chris Martin if they are back together, he doesn't say yes or no. Because it's really no ones business, and nor should anyones break-ups be. Keep it simple, keep it real, just consciously uncouple. Don't be bitter or psycho, just say hey, it was fun, we tried, and it didn't work. Simple as that. 

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Why men cheat

Recently I have read many articles on why men cheat. From facts and statistics to the writers opinion, those articles all had some truth to it. Also, why does society accept cheating? Is it because they don't want to mess up what they think is a 'good' relationship in their eyes, or are they in denial?

After doing a lot of research and even asking my friends a list of questions about their love life, I've come to conclude that there is no exact answer as to why. Obviously right? What I can say, definitively, is that cheating is sadly a 'norm'. But I believe that it shouldn't be. What constitutes a persons right to cheat on someone and not have the decency to just end the relationship before hand? I believe a lot of men are just selfish. They have their cake and they want to eat it too. I'm not talking about all guys, just the cheaters.

Whether your girlfriend is wonderful or a psycho, no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be cheated on. If you don't like her, break it off. If you do like her, then why cheat? A lot of men feel the need of masculinity and dominance; this dates back to the caveman days. This needs to stop. What gives men the right to act on an urge because they think it was their given right since the dawn of time?

I once dated a guy who had an obsession with having to talk to a female pretty much every day. Sadly, this guy still believes he has never done anything wrong and this guy has so many underlying issues and he refuses to face them and acknowledge them. He is in his late 30s, which means he will never change and I've predicted that he will never settle down, so far I'm right. While we were together, he was constantly on Facebook chatting inappropriately with other women, and always on these raunchy dating sites. It's like he felt like he needed self-reassurance. Yes, because a nasty looking woman said she liked you, you are almighty and powerful (beats chest). Do you get the sarcasm there? Anyway, this guy was obsessed with it, and he never deleted his conversations. Not to mention he tried to hook up with most of these women. 

I never really confronted him about it because a part of me was scared to at the time. Until the day we broke up, when I confronted him about it. He didn't even look me in the eye when I asked him to just tell me the truth because it was over already. He still denied it like a coward. As if it was his fantasy world or something. 

Funny thing was that I did some research on his past relationships and the relationships he had after me and it all came down to the same reason as to why they broke up. He always tried to find something he thought was wrong with the woman he was with and he tried to be an analyzer and play 'Mr. Fix It'. What's even funnier is that most of these 'problems' were not problems. He just had that need, again, to point out a very small flaw and make it into something big. And he would always tell the woman she needed to fix it or else they couldn't be together. Point is, he was a jackass, and he had extreme emotional issues since he was kid. He never dealt with them and it has affected his relationships through most of his adult life. After that guy and I broke up, a lot of family and friends said I would be 'the one that got away' for him. 

There are a lot of men who are in denial of their issues and for that reason, it will always affect their relationships. People will cheat and they will continue to. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and just tell yourself, "Love yourself, you're a beautiful and strong woman, and no person will ever change that, no person will ever define you, no person can ever hurt you unless you allow them to". 

It all comes down to this. Stop wondering why so many guys cheat and just focus on finding the one who won't do that to you. One thing I can't stand is when women post dumb and immature status updates or quotes saying things like, 'I guess I can't trust anyone'. Or 'All men cheat, I'll never find a good one'. Women who loose hope in finding a good guy are just people who give up. Or those women are probably immature and don't have a whole lot of self-love. (See a previous blog I wrote on 'self love and learning how to love yourself'). Men will cheat, there's usually not much we can do to stop it from happening. You just have to learn to move on from him and move forward without him. 

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Meet me in St. Louis...or maybe just San Diego.

Yesterday I went to the San Diego county fair with the family. Although, I always remember it as the Del Mar Fair. Going to the fair reminds me of one of my favorite movies... "Meet me in St. Louis".  The Fair is a big and fun occasion for my family. This year was the first year we went as a family since I was a teenager.  My whole family would go every year for as long as I can remember. I even have all the old pictures. 

This year, we decided to plan ahead and go as a family to celebrate Fathers Day weekend. It was a blast. We started out by walking through all the tented halls that hold all the sales booths, fashion, jewelry, home products, outdoor furniture and decor. They have everything you can think of. My parents love to go to find things for their home. While my brother, his girlfriend and I love to goof around like we're kids still and be silly. I love it. 

My brother and I both got the famous Rootbeer floats from Farrell's Parlour, a retro 50's inspired ice cream parlour that has the best floats, sundaes and waffle cones. Then we had Pinks savory hot dogs. A popular hot dog place from Los Angeles, specifically Hollywood area. It was my first time trying it, and it was the bomb.com! Dad had a huge turkey leg smothered in smokey BBQ sauce. Mom had a tuna sandwich, she likes to keep it healthy. Overall, we tried the food, sweets, dessert, and a couple fried foods. Needless to say we were overly stuffed by days end and slightly bloated! 

The fair is fun, entertaining, and just full of life. You see people from all ends of the world, different cultures, ethnicities; and I just love that there is no judgment, everyone embraces each other. After all, we're all here for the same reason, for fun, the delicious food, and the bonding time with family, your friends, or a significant other. 

When the sun goes down and the lights start to turn on all over, I'm reminded of the moment in "Meet me in St. Louis", where Judy Garlands character Esther, is fascinated by the light show at the St. Louis fair.  It's towards the end of the movie when her whole family gathers at the famous hometown fair and they are so fascinated and joyful. The ending line of the movie is by Esther. She says, "I can't believe it. Right here where we live. Right here in St. Louis." She refers to not having to take a train or stay in a hotel, but that this beauty is truely right there in their hometown. 

So as the lights turned on at the San Diego County Fair, I can say I was truely mesmerized by the beauty of that moment. I concur with Judy Garlands character. San Diegans are so lucky to live here. We honestly do have everything here. And the best part? We don't have to take a train or stay in a hotel. The fair is just a short drive away. As my family and I left the fair, I stopped and took one last look down the famous entrance strip. The lights were gleaming with joy, laughter all around me, people taking pictures, and the Farris Wheel at the very end, all lit up making for a perfect picture moment. It was a beautiful moment to capture as a memory. It was the perfect end to a perfect day with my family at the Fair. 

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Getting back into dating

Dating. It can be so much fun or so much work. I've been single for a good while now. And I kind of love it. There are times when it can get boring or times where I wish I had a boyfriend to cuddle with and watch a movie on a Friday night. But all in all, being single just seems to be so easy that it makes me not want to put in work. 

For the longest time I felt like that. But now I feel like I'm ready to get back into the dating game. I'm ready to start dating again; ready to go out on the 'several dates' before you know if the guy is relationship material. When you're enjoying single life, dating seems like work. But in fact it's so easy to make it fun! 

Whats a typical first date night like for me? Well, as always I think I'm starting early by giving myself two hours, when in reality I always end up running a little late. Although if I really like the guy, I'm usually ready on time. Funny how that works right? I start off by doing my hair and make up then picking the outfit and the look. Choosing the right accessories, the right lip color, and the right shoes. Then it's waiting for him to pick me up or if I'm meeting the guy then it's waiting for him to show up at the destination. I have yet to go on a date where the guy is early. No surprise there, but man would it be nice if I could date a guy who is early for once. 

My idea of a good first date, is grabbing a coffee, dinner, somewhere where we can talk so we can get to know each other. Somewhere not too noisy. The last thing you want is to be yelling at each other at some loud bar. I'm not a difficult person to please. I like simplicity. Would it be nice to meet a guy who goes above and beyond? YES! That would be awesome, but I have yet to meet that dream guy. I like to think that if a guy was going above and beyond for the first date then he would take me somewhere romantic like a horse drawn carriage in the park downtown, then maybe somewhere with a to-die-for view of the city. That would be amazing in my eyes. 

Point is, I'm ready to get back out there, and I'm excited to see what comes my way. I'm going to make the best of it and if I meet someone amazing then great. Dating should be fun, and I have a feeling it will be. 

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What happened to human interaction?

While at a Starbucks recently, I noticed something that made me instantly think that people really do need to put down their phones and maybe actually speak to the nice stranger that says hi. 

While sipping on my Venti Iced Passion Tea Lemonade and browsing on my ipad, I suddenly looked up and noticed my surroundings. There was a group of students at the table next to me discussing a book, I  overheard their conversation a little. They were having a really cool discussion, and I kind of wished I was part of this study group. The couple sitting in front of me were literally sitting in silence. Both on their phones, the guy looked around a few times as though he was bored. His girlfriend or wife didn't even notice because she was so 'busy' on Instagram. (When I walked by her to use the restroom I saw it on her iphone screen.) There was one person sitting at the bar area doing homework. One guy sitting behind me doing the same. And an elderly lady reading a book and sipping her coffee even further behind me. Randomly, there was a guy dozing off while listening to his headphones in the back corner. And not surprisingly everyone in line waiting for their drinks were looking at their phones until it was time to order. Not one person seemed to say hi to each other or even smile. As I looked all around me the only people who stood out the most was the group next to me. I was honestly fascinated that such discussions still take place. Why was I so fascinated at what seems like a common thing? Simply because it really isn't that common anymore. 

Why is it so hard for people to socialize in such a small area such as a coffee shop? I understand that some come alone to study, and I think there's nothing wrong with that. These couples or friends that come here to hang out but end up being on their phones the whole time, are just nuts. Yes, nuts! Because they can't interact with the person they came here to hangout with. 

So then something amazing happened as I was observing everyone. An elderly guy came in to enjoy his coffee. He ordered then walked by me looking for somewhere to sit. He found a single table in front of the group of students, so he was to my left but across from me. He must have noticed that I was observing. He smiled at me and I smiled back. A few minutes later, he walked over to me and politely said that he comes in to enjoy a small coffee everyday and that he likes to conversate with new people. Always being the cautious person I am, I was a little reluctant at first. He then asked if he could join me. I told him that I was writing but he could join me for a few minutes. He was really old, and he seemed like one of those nice old people that just wanna talk to someone because they're lonely. Turns out he was. 

He began to tell me about how he comes in everyday and he was widowed and used to come here with his wife when she was still alive. He said he still comes in for his coffee because he likes the company of others. I thought it was so sweet but sad about him loosing his wife. So then he asked me what I did and what I was writing about, so I told him I was a writer and blogger. He was so fascinated by it. I could go on and on about our cool conversation, but it would take a whole other story. The conversation lasted about a good half hour, and the guy was really nice and we had a genuine conversation.

I wish this kind of incident happened more often in life. Had I been one of those many other people too busy on their cell phones, I wouldn't have looked up, and I wouldn't have met a cool person and had that interesting conversation. My point is that we should put down our phones and tablets and iPads, and strike up a conversation.  As Einstein said, " I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots."