When curiosity becomes reality

You pull out of that driveway, you take a quick look in the rear view mirror, then take a deep breath. You ask yourself, "Did that really just happen?". Moments later you're on your way home and the flashbacks start coming. One moment you're thinking about how you're going to have to act normal in front of your husband, the next minute you're remembering your lover ripping off your clothes. You can't help but feel this guilty pleasure, yet a satisfaction about what just happened. Every emotion is running through your body and every thought that races through your mind, is of the last two hours. You keep picturing your lover on top of you, behind you, pleasuring you, lusting...for you and only you. 

This is an all too familiar scene of real life. I've heard the stories countless times, over and over again, told in different ways. The first and initial excitement of having an affair for the first time. Whether it was someone  cheating on their spouse or someone sleeping with someones spouse, it was some type of affair. There's a chill that runs through the room when you hear these stories. I know people who take pleasure in the excitement alone. I know people who felt so guilty and never did it again. And I know people who got obsessed and drawn into that world of adultery, sex, lies and the adrenaline rush of it all.

How does someone go from a seemingly normal life to this? I believe there are so many different reasons. From the unhappy housewife, to the husband who felt like he settled and wanted 'more'. 'More'... A common phrase I hear in all of these scenarios. "I just wanted more, I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to feel loved and I wanted the attention". 

As I sit back and reflect on other peoples curiosities, I started to reflect on my own. I've never cheated on a boyfriend. But the curiosity struck me once. Did I act on it? No. But I understand why people do act on it. I'm not saying it's right, because it isn't. But in the world we live in today, monogamy seems to be rare. Curiosity is in all of us. It's in those who are unhappy. It's in those who are completely happy. Every person has their reason for cheating. Every person has their reason for their curiosity. 

I had a friend who was completely happy with his wife, but he also had a girlfriend on the side. He said the sex with both was good but both women offered up different things for him. I personally don't get it, but people have their reasons. I have another friend who practically gets off from having sex with married guys. She says it's the excitement of it all. Being someone else's secret turns her on and the fact that it even is a secret turns both of them on and leads to incredible sex in different places. I have a friend who is married, and recently cheated for the first time and described the whole experience to me. She said it was amazing. But that she would never do it again. She was unhappy with her marriage and her and her husband rarely had sex. But once she experienced that thrilling night with a handsome stranger, she went back home and had sex with her husband. Now she says their sex life is incredible. All because of that experience. 

I understand curiosity. We all have it. Some of us don't act on it and just fantasize about it, while others do act on it and get their excitement that way. It seems to me that a lot of people are not attracted to the idea of being monogamous. But why? Are people such cowards that they can't break up with a person before cheating on them? Are people so obsessed with the pure excitement of adultery? My guess is both. There are a lot of people who see nothing wrong with this because this is unfortunately so normal. In the world of adultery, comes lies, sex and obsession with everything in between. My only question is, how many of you have acted on your curiosities? If you have already acted on it, why did you? 

Summer Date ideas

Whether you're getting to know someone or in a relationship, summer is the time to move things outdoors. From beautiful hikes to rooftops pools, this is the season to go outdoors and have fun, all the while mixing in some romance. Some of my favorite dates have been in the summer. We're free to explore the beauty if our city and explore other cities as well. So be sure to get these dates in before summer ends!

Movies in the park at sunset
Cuddling up with your special someone, with a blanket and an outdoor screening of Casablanca. Watching that sunset go down as the movie starts is even more romantic. Most major cities have movies in the park with a backdrop of your city skyline. So it's sure to be a beautiful night.

Hiking
Taking a hike around sunset or sunrise can be both romantic and establish a great connection. Also a great way to get to know someone if you're dating.

Picnic
A picnic in the park on a beautiful summer day or a picnic by the beach. That's a good way to soak in the sun and the romance in the air. Ooh-la la

Backyard dinner 
If you have a decent looking or great backyard, it's easy to snazz it up yourself and set up a dinner table on a warm summer night. All it takes is some flowers, a few candles, some great food and a little music if you please.

Wine tasting
Switch it up by going to a nearby wine tasting or an outdoor vineyard (if you have one near you). Sipping on some fine wine with your significant other can really up the romance. There's nothing like  wine and wine country.
Note: If you don't like wine, go beer tasting instead. Everyone has different tastes and different styles.

Beach/Pier walk
Taking a leisurely stroll on your local pier can be lots of fun. Spending the day on the beach, having a couple cocktails and munching on some good sliders. When sunset comes, being on the pier is the perfect location for you and your main squeeze.

Visiting the local Farmers Market
If you're a guy, taking your date to the farmers market can be a great way to romance her. Buying her a beautiful fresh bouquet of flowers and trying delicious food of all cultures. You get to know each other that way. It may lead to fun food and cultural discussions and memories to come. "Do you remember that Indian food we tried and the cool story the nice man was telling us about how his cooking lead to finding his love? Remember that was on our first date?"

Rooftop fun

Head to a rooftop bar for some drinks and dancing. Nothing says summer fun like a night out, literally.

Boat/Bike ride
From mini sunset cruises to renting beach cruisers on the boardwalk, most cities offer some great scenic fun. Take your date on a boat cruise around the Bay or even take your own two bikes out for a scenic ride. If you're lucky to live in a city that boasts both the city life and the country life, then take those bikes out to the country for a romantic bike ride and maybe even a picnic.

Take it to another City

Nothing tops a date idea like getting away for the weekend with your significant other. I once went on a little getaway weekend to Newport Beach, which is less than a two hour drive from where I live. My then boyfriend and I spent the whole weekend, at the beach, sightseeing, relaxing, romantic dinners, and taking in the sunsets. Taking the date to a whole other city, is a fun way to enjoy the summer, while taking a little mini vacation. Also if you're newly dating someone, it's a great way to get to know them. 

What's great about all these ideas is that the majority of them are not expensive ideas and some are even free. Most cities offer movies in the park for free. Hiking is absolutely free and that backyard dinner is practically free as well. So this summer, take your dates outdoors, have some fun, and soak up the romance in the warm summer air.

Be the CEO of your Life!

Being an independent person is one of the most valuable and most rewarding assets you could ever have in your life. Taking charge of your own life and of your own existence should empower you to do and be a better person in life, because there is always room for improvement. 

I see it everyday, in family and friends...people who depend on others. Independence does not come easy. It takes a lot of hard work and it takes a certain confidence in yourself to be able to step out into the world on your own. From purchasing your first car to buying your first home, being independent is so rewarding. I like to say that when you work hard and strive for the best, then there isn't anything you can't achieve. When you invest your time in schooling and/or your career, that's how you get ahead. Being independent and in control of your life, however, comes from within. 

Being an independent person doesn't just mean achieving our materialistic wants, it also means achieving self awareness. Knowing who you are and what defines you. Knowing that no one but yourself can define the person you are. The gratification of knowing what it means to love yourself outweighs the momentary gratification of having a materialistic item. As people say...money isn't everything; but self empowerment on the other hand, will give you happiness for the rest of your life. In order to start feeling and being independent, I believe it takes knowing who you are and being self aware of your love for yourself.

For those who don't know how to gain independence follow my advice and hear these words when I say, go boldly in the direction you seek. If you see yourself in a situation that is holding you back, then do what you need to, to move forward from it. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that there are some who were raised in an abusive and/or controlling environment. For these people, I must urge you to recognize that those environments and those people do NOT define you. They do not decide what you do with the rest of your life, nor do they dictate your thoughts. Be the best you, empower yourself, surround yourself with positive, strong, independent people. Those people are the ones who will empower you and encourage you, not bring you down or remind you of your past. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Meg Jay, "The unlived life is not worth examining". Don't look back, only look forward. 

It's hard to imagine yourself in a place in your life you are unfamiliar with. It's hard to envision yourself being someone your are currently not. But gaining your independence doesn't happen over night. For me, it took a little therapy because I needed help examining my life and figuring out who I was. Then I started to read books upon books, and articles. All of which were about being independent, loving yourself, letting go of the negative aspects in your life, what defines you, and how to take all that information and utilize it in your life. If you put forth both the effort and time, I guarantee you, it will be rewarding. There's no better feeling than waking up every day of your life and feeling an inner peace in your heart and mind. Whether you are spiritual, religious or neither, finding that inner peace is a gratifying feeling. 

Independence comes from within and from taking control over your life. Once you have that control of your inner peace and your life, it's time to announce your independence because you've done it. You've learned what it means to go through life not only empowering yourself, but empowering others as well. Most importantly, you've been through many lows to get to these great highs and you now know what defines you. Once you know what it is to have all of this, you're independent, you're strong, and you're the CEO of your own life. Embrace it.

Why Your Twenties Matter

When you are in your twenties, I think there comes a point in your life where you have to just stop and examine your life. Where am I going? What am I going to do for my career? Am I going to get married and settle down right away? Should I just take a job that I hate but will pay me well? Should I have kids soon or wait until my thirties? Or can I just cruise through my twenties and then start life?

These are just a few of many questions that go through the mind of a twenty something year old person. As a person who is in her twenties (23 going on 24 in a few months), I know what it feels like to feel lost and feel somewhat stuck in life. It's an unsettling feeling and it can be very stressful. 

I see this most in the following two categories of people in their twenties: The ones who just graduated college or grad school and don't know what they want to do with their degree and are possibly still living at home. And the ones who go from job to job or have a mediocre job; are struggling to make ends meet and don't know how to go back to college or don't know what direction to go in. 

It can be really hard and even depressing. After reading an amazing book, feeling this way myself, and doing some soul searching, I stopped thinking that way. I'm going after things I want. I am working hard and saving up money, I have a 5 year plan and I will meet my goals. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take some time. But there are things I plan to accomplish before I turn 30. And I want to be at a certain place in my life by the time I'm 26. It's going to take a lot of motivation and a lot of focus. At the end of the day, it's all about determination, dedication, and devotion. I plan to succeed in all three areas. 

The book I read was an eye opener. Written by a clinical psychologist who was also a clinical professor at the University of Virginia; Meg Jay studied twentysomethings for most of her career. It was her focus and and she spent years understanding people in their twenties and everything about them and their lives. The book is called "The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now". She goes on about several clients she has over the years and examining the differences between clients in their twenties and thirties. One of Meg Jay's points is that so many people think that our thirties are our defining decade. But we are so wrong- it's actually our twenties that matter. Believe it or not, a lot of people believe the defining decade is their thirties; even I did. Until I read this life changing book. 

What stood out most to me, was that she speaks about how these defining moments are already happening in our twenties, and how most of us don't even recognize them. She goes on to say that the book is about recognizing these moments that define us in our twenties and how to make the most of them right now. For those who don't think our twenties matter, I urge you to re-evaluate that thought process and realize that they really do! Read her book; it really puts some things into perspective, and it will possibly change your mind set on your own life, as it did for me. 

Re-evaluate where you are in your life, stop and think about what's going on in your life. From your relationships with family members, your hobbies and interests, your friends, your career, and your goals in life. Trust me when I say you will thank me for introducing you to my blog and to Meg Jay's book, and you will thank Meg Jay also for writing that book. 

What I love most about her philosophy is that she thinks differently than your typical psychologist. She went against what most therapists would tell their clients and she expresses such strong and powerful beliefs in her philosophies on therapy. The following quote is one of my favorites from her book. 

     "The unlived life is not worth examining" -Sheldon Kopp

Every time I read it, I feel the power in that message and its meaning. It means that we shouldn't look back at the life we haven't lived, but only look at the life we can start to live.