When curiosity becomes reality

You pull out of that driveway, you take a quick look in the rear view mirror, then take a deep breath. You ask yourself, "Did that really just happen?". Moments later you're on your way home and the flashbacks start coming. One moment you're thinking about how you're going to have to act normal in front of your husband, the next minute you're remembering your lover ripping off your clothes. You can't help but feel this guilty pleasure, yet a satisfaction about what just happened. Every emotion is running through your body and every thought that races through your mind, is of the last two hours. You keep picturing your lover on top of you, behind you, pleasuring you, lusting...for you and only you. 

This is an all too familiar scene of real life. I've heard the stories countless times, over and over again, told in different ways. The first and initial excitement of having an affair for the first time. Whether it was someone  cheating on their spouse or someone sleeping with someones spouse, it was some type of affair. There's a chill that runs through the room when you hear these stories. I know people who take pleasure in the excitement alone. I know people who felt so guilty and never did it again. And I know people who got obsessed and drawn into that world of adultery, sex, lies and the adrenaline rush of it all.

How does someone go from a seemingly normal life to this? I believe there are so many different reasons. From the unhappy housewife, to the husband who felt like he settled and wanted 'more'. 'More'... A common phrase I hear in all of these scenarios. "I just wanted more, I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to feel loved and I wanted the attention". 

As I sit back and reflect on other peoples curiosities, I started to reflect on my own. I've never cheated on a boyfriend. But the curiosity struck me once. Did I act on it? No. But I understand why people do act on it. I'm not saying it's right, because it isn't. But in the world we live in today, monogamy seems to be rare. Curiosity is in all of us. It's in those who are unhappy. It's in those who are completely happy. Every person has their reason for cheating. Every person has their reason for their curiosity. 

I had a friend who was completely happy with his wife, but he also had a girlfriend on the side. He said the sex with both was good but both women offered up different things for him. I personally don't get it, but people have their reasons. I have another friend who practically gets off from having sex with married guys. She says it's the excitement of it all. Being someone else's secret turns her on and the fact that it even is a secret turns both of them on and leads to incredible sex in different places. I have a friend who is married, and recently cheated for the first time and described the whole experience to me. She said it was amazing. But that she would never do it again. She was unhappy with her marriage and her and her husband rarely had sex. But once she experienced that thrilling night with a handsome stranger, she went back home and had sex with her husband. Now she says their sex life is incredible. All because of that experience. 

I understand curiosity. We all have it. Some of us don't act on it and just fantasize about it, while others do act on it and get their excitement that way. It seems to me that a lot of people are not attracted to the idea of being monogamous. But why? Are people such cowards that they can't break up with a person before cheating on them? Are people so obsessed with the pure excitement of adultery? My guess is both. There are a lot of people who see nothing wrong with this because this is unfortunately so normal. In the world of adultery, comes lies, sex and obsession with everything in between. My only question is, how many of you have acted on your curiosities? If you have already acted on it, why did you? 

Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

8 ways to get through that horrible break-up

Ever had one of those break ups where you just wanna curl up and watch movies in bed for like a week straight? Not having a single care about your hair, make-up, or your life. Just isolating yourself from the world and taking that time to cry it out. We've all been there. I think taking a week off from life is ok. But more than that isn't doing any justice to yourself. 2 days is too little, and 2 weeks it too long. 

Mending a broken heart doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen in a few weeks either. When you have been in a relationship with someone for 2 or more years and you were so deeply in love with them, it's usually a pretty hard breakup, especially on your heart. The immediate stop in communication between you two, seems like a huge change in what was usually an ordinary occurrence for you. It's hard. Stepping back out into the world is also hard. You start to see things that remind you of that person. You run into his family or friends...and you want to break down and cry. 

Eventually that will pass, with time, you heal and move on. And even when it seems like you never will, you will. How do you get over these hard break-ups? Well I would suggest following the list below. Use this as your break-up bible. Because in a sense, it's the main thing that's going to get you out of bed and be able to begin to move forward. 

Cut off all communication with him.

That torturous moment the day after your break-up, you don't receive a single text or call, and it hurts like Hell, it really does. And you are tempted to text him, but don't! Many people are tempted to stay friends with their ex at first. I did that once, but one of my good friends kept getting on my butt about it. "Don't talk to him, don't communicate with him" she told me. At first I didn't listen, and then when I did, it started to make sense. About a month or so after our breakup I got into an argument with him and I cut off all ties to him. I was beyond done at that point. So, trust me when I say that going cold turkey and cutting off communication will help you in the long run. And then in a year or so, if you happen to run into him and you two are able to remain friends, then do it. By that time you should be in a much better place and most likely you'll have moved on from him by then, so a friendship won't be as awkward. 

Use that week off from life productively! 

Sure take the first day to lay in bed all day, but after that, spend that time doing things and keeping busy. You don't need to go outside. Do things around your house or have a couple of your girl friends over for some ice-cream and movies. And maybe some Wine. By doing this, you're giving yourself time to grieve and cry, but at least you are being productive. You are getting some things done around the house, finishing that DIY project that you never got around to, or even getting some home workouts in. Which brings me to my next point.

Find an aggressive workout routine.

This is not the time to do yoga, you have plenty of time for meditation later. Immediately following your break-up, you want to find a fast paced and aggressive workout regimen. It's a great way to release the anger and stress and a great way to stay productive during that first week off and afterwards as well. I remember during one of my breakups, I was having an intense workout on my elliptical and my angry thoughts of him were fueling my workout. I was going hard, and then I broke down crying. Honestly, It was the best kind of cry, I was releasing him from my mind and releasing my anger. Another plus from this, is keeping off the extra weight we usually put on after a break-up. Yea sometimes we just want to let ourselves go and not have a care in the world. But don't do that, you want to look and feel good when you finally decide to go out. 

Go out with your girls!

At the end of that week, set up a night out with your girls. At this point you have cried pretty much all day everyday, and you need to force yourself to get up, shower, put on something sexy and those cute pair of heels and some red lipstick. Hit up a bar or club with your girls. It's the best kind of therapy. Your friends know you're going through a rough time so they are going to want to take your mind off of it and make you feel as good as possible. Don't be afraid, have fun, after all you're a single woman now!

Don't have a rebound guy.

We've all read those articles about how having a guy to rebound with is good and a good way to know that you're over your ex. No. I say no, because what if that guy really likes you or you start to like him. You don't want to mix those feelings so quickly after a breakup. I know some will disagree with me in this, but it's not just our hearts that need time to heal, it's our mind, body and soul that needs time to heal. Going out and having sex with some guy you met at the pub isn't going to make you feel better. And when you have alcohol in your system, you don't have a clear head. So make sure on that girls night out, you are sticking around them, not trying to find some guy to rebound with. 

Find your meditation or your calm and peaceful place.

After about 3 weeks, you are still going to be hurting, that feeling won't go away right away, remember that. But this is just another thing to do to get your mind off of your current situation and begin the healing process. Meditate, or find a place that gives you peace of mind. Now is the time to add yoga into that aggressive workout routine. I found that going hard in a fast paced cardio, then jumping into a yoga sesh after was both beneficial for me and rewarding. I would do like 30 minutes of cardio, sometimes an hour, and then go into my meditation mode with a few yoga positions and just sitting their in silence, while calming my mind. It paid off big time in the end. My mind slowly but surely began to eliminate the anger and hurt. I started focusing on the well being of my body, mind and soul. It may sound corny but let me tell you, it really did help me! 

Once you are done with the healing process, start learning how to love yourself.

Some people already know hoe to love their self and that's awesome. That's how it should be. But for those who are having trouble, going through the healing process isn't just about mending your broken heart and eliminating your anger, hurt and sadness; it's about finding you again. It's about learning to love yourself, so that the next break up won't be as hard. I previously wrote a blog about learning to love yourself, but I will briefly say here, that the best way to get over bad breakups or any negativity life throws at us, is to already know what it means to love yourself. Once you know what that means and once you have found out how to love yourself, everything becomes much easier. Break-ups, negative moments, everything. It really does. I promise you that if you take the time to love yourself first, you start to understand things better and you start to realize that their is no need for so much hurt or anger in these break-ups. 

Lastly, start to live.

When you start living your life again, while doing all the above mentioned, things start to fall into place. Perhaps you want to go after that promotion, or maybe you want to spend more time with a family member or a friend. Go do it. Start doing things that benefit your well being and when you start to do these things, make sure that you are doing it for yourself first. It's ok to be a little selfish in this scenario. After all, that's what you are focusing on during the breakup period. You are focusing on a better you and focusing on your own life. When you begin to live, things start coming to you unexpectedly; that promotion or raise, that guy you started flirting with at your local Starbucks, the family member you are trying to mend things with, and even new friends. 

When you start to love yourself, it exudes to the people and environment around you. Happiness spreads as much as negativity does. So find your happiness, find that peaceful place, and start to live again. And the next time you go through a break-up, remember these tips, it will only help you get through it much easier. 

 Instagram: @jovi_casie

Jovi.casie@gmail.com

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'Consciously Uncoupling' vs Nasty Break-ups

A good break-up is a lot less common now a days. How many people do you know, who can say that they had a great break-up with their significant other? How many good breaks-ups can you honestly say you have experienced? 

It seems that all we see on celebrity news lately is nasty celebrity divorces that take months and sometimes years to resolve. Or it seems like most of our friends around us only have bad things to say about their most recent break-up. Up until a couple months ago, no one had ever used the term 'consciously uncoupling'. Yes you heard right. When celebrity actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, were consciously uncoupling, the world seemed to gasp. Not necessarily at the fact that they were basically separating, but particularly at the term they used. 

I can say that most of my break-ups have never ended well. Usually, there was some anger or hurt on one end or the other. But why can't we seem to consciously uncouple from someone? A mutual sepertion and/or break-up that ends quite positively. A lot of relationships of my friends and family seem to have ended by someone cheating on the other or just someone not being happy anymore. Those seem to be the top two reasons why my friends and family in my life breakup with their significant other. 

Deep down, I think we all hope to have a good break-up. It really is as simple as saying "look I'm not happy, you're not happy, let's just agree to go our seperate ways or be friends." It seems so easy, and it really is. We just make everything difficult. Women are usually more emotional, while men are usually less emotional (although this can be opposite), and this is the reason why many break-ups go sour, bitter and just nasty. Bad break-ups are kind of like black licorice, it's twisted, dark and bitter. Some food for thought...literally. 

Metaphors aside, consciously uncoupling should be more common now a days. Maybe next time you're in a relationship and you're not happy or you see that the other person isn't happy, just consciously uncouple from them, and either decide if you both want to go your separate ways and never talk, or remain good friends. Not all break-ups need to be bad, and honestly, you can control that. There's really no need to publicly announce that your ex is a selfish a**hole, who's happens to suddenly be horrible in bed with a tiny penis. And there's no need to publicly post bitter and immature status updates to social media. 

We should all follow in Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's footsteps and do what they did. They are constantly in the spotlight as A-list celebrities, and they went the right route. They amicably broke up, continue to co-parent their kids, and the latest news is that they might even be back together. I just love that every time I see a TMZ clip of a reporter asking Chris Martin if they are back together, he doesn't say yes or no. Because it's really no ones business, and nor should anyones break-ups be. Keep it simple, keep it real, just consciously uncouple. Don't be bitter or psycho, just say hey, it was fun, we tried, and it didn't work. Simple as that. 

Instagram: @jovi_casie

jovi.casie@gmail.com