7 Benefits of Being Single

When you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss out on events in life and sometimes you just become so in love that you find yourself not doing the things you used to do when you were single. We have all been guilty of being in the honeymoon stage of a relationship or of being in a relationship where you want to spend most of your time around your significant other. But it's those relationships that remind us of the need for balance. When you're in those type of relationships, you forget the good of being single.

Perhaps, you're the type of person that feels they have to be in a relationship all the time. In other words, you're not single for long between each relationship you have. You're constantly dating and you think being single is the worst thing since bell-bottoms. Or perhaps you are the type of person who doesn't mind being single but a part of you wishes you were in a relationship.

Whatever your feelings may be on this subject, I feel like we should strive to have the best type of relationship...a relationship with yourself. As quirky as that may sound, it's true.
The benefits of being single are being able to get to know your best and worst self. The benefits below are great example.

Having time for family and friends
This is probably the biggest benefit. As we all know, being in a relationship sometimes means seeing less of our family and friends. (Although that shouldn't be the case) Nonetheless, having time for your loved ones is great. Spend part of your free time with them.

Alone time
Spend the other part of your free time doing things alone. Enjoy the peacefulness of having that time to yourself. I know people who say they will never go see a movie alone or go out to dinner alone. But I think most people would be surprised how many people actually do these things alone. There is nothing wrong with going to dinner by yourself. It doesn't mean you're a loner and it doesn't mean you have no one to go with. All it means is that you wanted some alone time and you're enjoying yourself.

Checking out local hot spots with friends
You remember that Saturday your friend invited you to the opening of the newest club in downtown? You didn't go because you and your ex opted to have a movie night in. Well, now is the chance to catch up on the latest social scene. Go to that local bar, or new club in downtown and enjoy events in your cities with your group of friends.

Focusing more on your career or career path
Perhaps you found yourself slacking off on the college courses or even slacking off at work. Now is the time to re-focus on all of that. Go back to school and focus on getting that raise or promotion you want. Continue focusing on making a better life for yourself.

Saving money

One of the most common things I hear of are how happy people are to not have to spend money on someone else now that they are single; especially if you're a guy. It's well known that men usually do more of the spending in a relationship. But, whether you're a giving guy or a giving gal, being single means not forking out the dough on your partner. And let's be honest, it's pretty nice to spend that money on yourself now. 

Flirting 

Oh the joy and freedom to flirt with whoever you want, whenever you want to. And no more only being able to look and not touch. Now is the time to have fun and let loose, but not too loose, if you catch my drift? 

Full control over your life

Whether you're getting out of a long term relationship or a long marriage, having that full control is amazing and freeing. A lot of times, we tend to make our decisions with our partners in mind, and that's all peaches, except for one thing. Many times, those decisions aren't everything we really want. So now that you're single, take advantage and do what you want, and make the decisions that are best for you and only you.

(Writer's note: You can also find this article on Howtogetittogether.com. I originally wrote this article to be featured for their website. They featured me there as a guest blogger and I would love for my readers to check out their website as well. Thanks!)

Infamous Break-up Methods

The infamous scene from the show 'Sex and the City'. Carrie Bradshaw's boyfriend broke-up with her by leaving a post-it on her laptop. The sticky note reads, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me-".

With texting being the number one form of communication these days, not to mention all forms of social media, it's also the most heard of way to break-up with someone. Everyone knows someone who got dumped over text, Facebook, Twitter or the infamous 'post-it' sticky, as seen on 'Sex and the City'. What gives a person a right to use these methods to break-up? Has breaking it off with someone become so unconventional, that we need to stoop to such lows?

I see it daily. From my Twitter feed to my Facebook feed, every day I see some kind of post in regards to a couple fighting, a couple breaking up, and immature posts, usually from women.

Ladies, we are usually known as the more mature mate in relationships. When did we all become so immature and careless as to post all your dirty laundry onto the Internet?
Guys, you are usually known as the more private mate in relationships. When did it become OK to end things with your girl through a stupid text or announcing it through social media before she even knows? 

I can recall about a year ago, seeing something blow up on my news feed on Facebook. A girl I went to High School with had posted about how upset she was because the guy she had been with for quite some time, had broken it off with her over Facebook, and she didn't even know until a friend notified her. She literally had the misfortune of having to find out on her Facebook when the guy had changed his relationship status to 'Single'. When she tried to contact him, he had blocked her. He didn't return her calls...nothing. All she asked for was the decency for him to explain to her why. As anyone would want to know. Yet, he never did.

Why is it that people are too lazy or too careless to break-up with someone in this way? I think most of us prefer a face to face break-up. Although, some prefer and are OK with, an over the phone break-up. I consider over the phone the same as texting. I mean, get real people, if you have been with someone for a couple of years, have the decency to call them up and ask them to meet you somewhere. I believe there to be only one exception to this. If you have only been seeing someone shortly, like less than 3 months, then over the phone is maybe appropriate. BUT, in person would still be nicer. Since there is no real nice way of breaking up with someone, it's the least we can do.

I conducted a poll recently asking friends this question: "What do you think is the worst way to break-up with someone?" A lot of people replied with 'text'. Others replied with social media, or not returning texts/calls, completely cut off with no response or reason. I wasn't the least bit shocked to hear this. It happens so commonly that its almost expected, and it really shouldn't be. I think Reality TV is one of the causes of making people believe that it's acceptable to break-up with someone like this. Its all you see now a days.

"Omg, he just texted me telling me that it's not going to work anymore, WTF?!" 

"She just changed her relationship status to single, let me call up my girl, I don't know what she's trying to say?" 
"I was in a meeting and he left a message on my voicemail saying it was over and to never call him again. What? How can he do this...Why?" 

Sound familiar? Chances are you have heard a friend or relative repeat one of those lines.

In order to end this trend, we need to restore what was once a given. When you break-up with someone, you should ask them to meet up with you, anywhere, and sit them down and 'talk' with them. Yes, people dread the 'talk', but it's honestly the most decent way to go about it. If we had to choose, I think most of us, men and women, would agree that this is the way we would want to be dumped. Next time you are feeling things aren't working out with someone, do the proper thing and the decent thing, tell them in person. Don't be another statistic. Don't put yourself in that awful category of people who break-up over text or social media.

'Consciously Uncoupling' vs Nasty Break-ups

A good break-up is a lot less common now a days. How many people do you know, who can say that they had a great break-up with their significant other? How many good breaks-ups can you honestly say you have experienced? 

It seems that all we see on celebrity news lately is nasty celebrity divorces that take months and sometimes years to resolve. Or it seems like most of our friends around us only have bad things to say about their most recent break-up. Up until a couple months ago, no one had ever used the term 'consciously uncoupling'. Yes you heard right. When celebrity actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, were consciously uncoupling, the world seemed to gasp. Not necessarily at the fact that they were basically separating, but particularly at the term they used. 

I can say that most of my break-ups have never ended well. Usually, there was some anger or hurt on one end or the other. But why can't we seem to consciously uncouple from someone? A mutual sepertion and/or break-up that ends quite positively. A lot of relationships of my friends and family seem to have ended by someone cheating on the other or just someone not being happy anymore. Those seem to be the top two reasons why my friends and family in my life breakup with their significant other. 

Deep down, I think we all hope to have a good break-up. It really is as simple as saying "look I'm not happy, you're not happy, let's just agree to go our seperate ways or be friends." It seems so easy, and it really is. We just make everything difficult. Women are usually more emotional, while men are usually less emotional (although this can be opposite), and this is the reason why many break-ups go sour, bitter and just nasty. Bad break-ups are kind of like black licorice, it's twisted, dark and bitter. Some food for thought...literally. 

Metaphors aside, consciously uncoupling should be more common now a days. Maybe next time you're in a relationship and you're not happy or you see that the other person isn't happy, just consciously uncouple from them, and either decide if you both want to go your separate ways and never talk, or remain good friends. Not all break-ups need to be bad, and honestly, you can control that. There's really no need to publicly announce that your ex is a selfish a**hole, who's happens to suddenly be horrible in bed with a tiny penis. And there's no need to publicly post bitter and immature status updates to social media. 

We should all follow in Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's footsteps and do what they did. They are constantly in the spotlight as A-list celebrities, and they went the right route. They amicably broke up, continue to co-parent their kids, and the latest news is that they might even be back together. I just love that every time I see a TMZ clip of a reporter asking Chris Martin if they are back together, he doesn't say yes or no. Because it's really no ones business, and nor should anyones break-ups be. Keep it simple, keep it real, just consciously uncouple. Don't be bitter or psycho, just say hey, it was fun, we tried, and it didn't work. Simple as that. 

Instagram: @jovi_casie

jovi.casie@gmail.com

Why men cheat

Recently I have read many articles on why men cheat. From facts and statistics to the writers opinion, those articles all had some truth to it. Also, why does society accept cheating? Is it because they don't want to mess up what they think is a 'good' relationship in their eyes, or are they in denial?

After doing a lot of research and even asking my friends a list of questions about their love life, I've come to conclude that there is no exact answer as to why. Obviously right? What I can say, definitively, is that cheating is sadly a 'norm'. But I believe that it shouldn't be. What constitutes a persons right to cheat on someone and not have the decency to just end the relationship before hand? I believe a lot of men are just selfish. They have their cake and they want to eat it too. I'm not talking about all guys, just the cheaters.

Whether your girlfriend is wonderful or a psycho, no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be cheated on. If you don't like her, break it off. If you do like her, then why cheat? A lot of men feel the need of masculinity and dominance; this dates back to the caveman days. This needs to stop. What gives men the right to act on an urge because they think it was their given right since the dawn of time?

I once dated a guy who had an obsession with having to talk to a female pretty much every day. Sadly, this guy still believes he has never done anything wrong and this guy has so many underlying issues and he refuses to face them and acknowledge them. He is in his late 30s, which means he will never change and I've predicted that he will never settle down, so far I'm right. While we were together, he was constantly on Facebook chatting inappropriately with other women, and always on these raunchy dating sites. It's like he felt like he needed self-reassurance. Yes, because a nasty looking woman said she liked you, you are almighty and powerful (beats chest). Do you get the sarcasm there? Anyway, this guy was obsessed with it, and he never deleted his conversations. Not to mention he tried to hook up with most of these women. 

I never really confronted him about it because a part of me was scared to at the time. Until the day we broke up, when I confronted him about it. He didn't even look me in the eye when I asked him to just tell me the truth because it was over already. He still denied it like a coward. As if it was his fantasy world or something. 

Funny thing was that I did some research on his past relationships and the relationships he had after me and it all came down to the same reason as to why they broke up. He always tried to find something he thought was wrong with the woman he was with and he tried to be an analyzer and play 'Mr. Fix It'. What's even funnier is that most of these 'problems' were not problems. He just had that need, again, to point out a very small flaw and make it into something big. And he would always tell the woman she needed to fix it or else they couldn't be together. Point is, he was a jackass, and he had extreme emotional issues since he was kid. He never dealt with them and it has affected his relationships through most of his adult life. After that guy and I broke up, a lot of family and friends said I would be 'the one that got away' for him. 

There are a lot of men who are in denial of their issues and for that reason, it will always affect their relationships. People will cheat and they will continue to. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and just tell yourself, "Love yourself, you're a beautiful and strong woman, and no person will ever change that, no person will ever define you, no person can ever hurt you unless you allow them to". 

It all comes down to this. Stop wondering why so many guys cheat and just focus on finding the one who won't do that to you. One thing I can't stand is when women post dumb and immature status updates or quotes saying things like, 'I guess I can't trust anyone'. Or 'All men cheat, I'll never find a good one'. Women who loose hope in finding a good guy are just people who give up. Or those women are probably immature and don't have a whole lot of self-love. (See a previous blog I wrote on 'self love and learning how to love yourself'). Men will cheat, there's usually not much we can do to stop it from happening. You just have to learn to move on from him and move forward without him. 

Instagram: jovi_casie

Email: jovi.casie@gmail.com