Relationship expectations and how they are ruining your relationships (Article on GenTwenty)

Have you all checked out my most recent published article on GenTwenty.com? The article is about relationship expectations and discussing how they are ruining your relationships of all kinds. Thank you again Gen Twenty. I'm so happy to be able to write for GenTwenty and also TwentySomethingLiving.com!

Here is the direct link:
Relationship Expectations and How they are Ruining your Relationships

Until next time!

Xoxo,

How settling is ruining your life (article on GenTwenty.com)

Hello all!

Just wanted to update you in case you didn't already know from my Twitter, Instagram or Facebook sharing, ha! GenTwenty recently published my first article I wrote for them! (My second article comes out sometime next week! Be on the lookout.) The article is called How settling is ruining your life. By clicking on that title it will take you to the direct article. Browse their website, and check out all their articles because they have some great advice, fun facts, and good stories. Hope you enjoy the article! As always, thanks for reading.

Xoxo,

7 Benefits of Being Single

When you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss out on events in life and sometimes you just become so in love that you find yourself not doing the things you used to do when you were single. We have all been guilty of being in the honeymoon stage of a relationship or of being in a relationship where you want to spend most of your time around your significant other. But it's those relationships that remind us of the need for balance. When you're in those type of relationships, you forget the good of being single.

Perhaps, you're the type of person that feels they have to be in a relationship all the time. In other words, you're not single for long between each relationship you have. You're constantly dating and you think being single is the worst thing since bell-bottoms. Or perhaps you are the type of person who doesn't mind being single but a part of you wishes you were in a relationship.

Whatever your feelings may be on this subject, I feel like we should strive to have the best type of relationship...a relationship with yourself. As quirky as that may sound, it's true.
The benefits of being single are being able to get to know your best and worst self. The benefits below are great example.

Having time for family and friends
This is probably the biggest benefit. As we all know, being in a relationship sometimes means seeing less of our family and friends. (Although that shouldn't be the case) Nonetheless, having time for your loved ones is great. Spend part of your free time with them.

Alone time
Spend the other part of your free time doing things alone. Enjoy the peacefulness of having that time to yourself. I know people who say they will never go see a movie alone or go out to dinner alone. But I think most people would be surprised how many people actually do these things alone. There is nothing wrong with going to dinner by yourself. It doesn't mean you're a loner and it doesn't mean you have no one to go with. All it means is that you wanted some alone time and you're enjoying yourself.

Checking out local hot spots with friends
You remember that Saturday your friend invited you to the opening of the newest club in downtown? You didn't go because you and your ex opted to have a movie night in. Well, now is the chance to catch up on the latest social scene. Go to that local bar, or new club in downtown and enjoy events in your cities with your group of friends.

Focusing more on your career or career path
Perhaps you found yourself slacking off on the college courses or even slacking off at work. Now is the time to re-focus on all of that. Go back to school and focus on getting that raise or promotion you want. Continue focusing on making a better life for yourself.

Saving money

One of the most common things I hear of are how happy people are to not have to spend money on someone else now that they are single; especially if you're a guy. It's well known that men usually do more of the spending in a relationship. But, whether you're a giving guy or a giving gal, being single means not forking out the dough on your partner. And let's be honest, it's pretty nice to spend that money on yourself now. 

Flirting 

Oh the joy and freedom to flirt with whoever you want, whenever you want to. And no more only being able to look and not touch. Now is the time to have fun and let loose, but not too loose, if you catch my drift? 

Full control over your life

Whether you're getting out of a long term relationship or a long marriage, having that full control is amazing and freeing. A lot of times, we tend to make our decisions with our partners in mind, and that's all peaches, except for one thing. Many times, those decisions aren't everything we really want. So now that you're single, take advantage and do what you want, and make the decisions that are best for you and only you.

(Writer's note: You can also find this article on Howtogetittogether.com. I originally wrote this article to be featured for their website. They featured me there as a guest blogger and I would love for my readers to check out their website as well. Thanks!)

When curiosity becomes reality

You pull out of that driveway, you take a quick look in the rear view mirror, then take a deep breath. You ask yourself, "Did that really just happen?". Moments later you're on your way home and the flashbacks start coming. One moment you're thinking about how you're going to have to act normal in front of your husband, the next minute you're remembering your lover ripping off your clothes. You can't help but feel this guilty pleasure, yet a satisfaction about what just happened. Every emotion is running through your body and every thought that races through your mind, is of the last two hours. You keep picturing your lover on top of you, behind you, pleasuring you, lusting...for you and only you. 

This is an all too familiar scene of real life. I've heard the stories countless times, over and over again, told in different ways. The first and initial excitement of having an affair for the first time. Whether it was someone  cheating on their spouse or someone sleeping with someones spouse, it was some type of affair. There's a chill that runs through the room when you hear these stories. I know people who take pleasure in the excitement alone. I know people who felt so guilty and never did it again. And I know people who got obsessed and drawn into that world of adultery, sex, lies and the adrenaline rush of it all.

How does someone go from a seemingly normal life to this? I believe there are so many different reasons. From the unhappy housewife, to the husband who felt like he settled and wanted 'more'. 'More'... A common phrase I hear in all of these scenarios. "I just wanted more, I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to feel loved and I wanted the attention". 

As I sit back and reflect on other peoples curiosities, I started to reflect on my own. I've never cheated on a boyfriend. But the curiosity struck me once. Did I act on it? No. But I understand why people do act on it. I'm not saying it's right, because it isn't. But in the world we live in today, monogamy seems to be rare. Curiosity is in all of us. It's in those who are unhappy. It's in those who are completely happy. Every person has their reason for cheating. Every person has their reason for their curiosity. 

I had a friend who was completely happy with his wife, but he also had a girlfriend on the side. He said the sex with both was good but both women offered up different things for him. I personally don't get it, but people have their reasons. I have another friend who practically gets off from having sex with married guys. She says it's the excitement of it all. Being someone else's secret turns her on and the fact that it even is a secret turns both of them on and leads to incredible sex in different places. I have a friend who is married, and recently cheated for the first time and described the whole experience to me. She said it was amazing. But that she would never do it again. She was unhappy with her marriage and her and her husband rarely had sex. But once she experienced that thrilling night with a handsome stranger, she went back home and had sex with her husband. Now she says their sex life is incredible. All because of that experience. 

I understand curiosity. We all have it. Some of us don't act on it and just fantasize about it, while others do act on it and get their excitement that way. It seems to me that a lot of people are not attracted to the idea of being monogamous. But why? Are people such cowards that they can't break up with a person before cheating on them? Are people so obsessed with the pure excitement of adultery? My guess is both. There are a lot of people who see nothing wrong with this because this is unfortunately so normal. In the world of adultery, comes lies, sex and obsession with everything in between. My only question is, how many of you have acted on your curiosities? If you have already acted on it, why did you? 

Understanding Women

Recently one of my followers asked me to write about understanding women. I decided to do some fun research by asking both men and women what type of facts they wanted me to address. Understanding women can be difficult to dissect, while men are also just as difficult; but that's a whole other blog.

For centuries men have asked this question and they will continue to for centuries to come. At last, I'm here to tell you just how to understand women. The answer is...wait for it...there is no answer. All women are different, therefore breaking down every single part of a woman's logic, reasoning, actions, thoughts, motives, emotions, and anatomy is just down right impossible. What I can tell you is that a woman is the only person who will decide how easy or hard it is to understand them. Every woman decides how much of them they want to show; and in a lot of cases, women don't even understand themselves.

As a woman, I can tell you that it is true that a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Meaning that we will always have some secrets or events in our life that will stay with us forever and never be shared. I can tell you that we can and will be difficult at times when we are NOT on our period. Sometimes you men just drive us crazy, or sometimes we are trying to tell you something. Listen, observe, and give us space if we need it or lend a shoulder if we need it. Women want to feel loved and be loved. Even the most independent, single, and self-aware woman wants to be loved. Women want men to listen to them. It's really simple. We talk about our day, you listen; and vice-a-versa. When we want to be left alone, sometimes we really just want to be alone and other times we are really just asking for attention. Use your best judgment on the situation. Did you just have a fight with her about something small and petty? Then go comfort her. Did you just have a big fight about a serious issue? Give her time to think.

Women are usually more emotional during sex, with the exception of the few who feel nothing and just want to bang you. We like the chemistry, the passion, and yes we like to have fun. But sometimes we want to take it slow and make love. Other times we want passionate, wild sex. It's just who we are. But, sex is more emotional for us in that we tend to feel when we're having sex. So naturally, this is why we become attached sometimes after having sex. A lot of men wonder why a woman becomes so attached after popping her cherry. For most women, their first time is really special, and we hope it's with someone we love and someone who really loves us back. When a woman is with a guy she loses her virginity to, she tends to feel a little clingy at first. Why? Because she just experienced one of the most important days in her life with you. You are the first guy she ever felt so comfortable with. You are the first guy to see her most intimate side and her most vulnerable side. Sex isn't just sex to most woman. It's something deep and personal and we really do think that whoever gets to experience it with us is the luckiest guy alive. If you are in a serious relationship, make sure you make it known how lucky you are to have her.

Guys will NEVER understand what we go through during that time of the month. Nor will you understand what it's like to feel so hormonal. Believe it or not, sometimes we don't know why we get so angry or cry. Our hormones are so out of whack that even we wonder why we just cried uncontrollably at the homeless dog we see everyday on our way to work. We see that dog every day but today we took one look and just sobbed like a baby. And we have no clue why. It sounds funny and it is, but it's something we can't control. Why do we get so angry or annoyed easily? Because of those darn hormones. Do not, i repeat do not try to tell us to suck it up or to get over it when we are hurting, angry, sad, crying, or annoyed. You will see the wrath of Satan inside us. No really, some form of him will come out. All joking aside, some women get very ill during that time of the month. Any part of our body can ache or hurt. What's the best thing to do for us during our period? Be there for us. Offer up a massage or a draw us a bath with candles for us to relax. A warm bath with Epsom salt is a great remedy. If you see us crying, just bring us the box of tissues, don't laugh and don't question it. Don't do anything to anger us. Avoid off topics and if you know what annoys us already, then don't provoke us. Sometimes, it's best to stay away from us all together.

I wont address the immaturity in women and those who play games. What I will address is the women who know what they want. If you are in a mature relationship then chances are you are already with a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't beat around the bush. These are the type of women you men want to surround yourself with. Then there won't be any confusion or nothing complicated about them. A woman who knows what she wants, is much easier to understand. So guys, pay attention, listen up...you won't ever completely understand women. But to get a better understanding about us, you have to have patience, have sympathy, and if you have any questions just ask us! Talk to us, and communicate with us.

Unfortunately there is so much one can write about this topic but that would most likely turn into a book. Women are hard to understand at times, but when you're paired with a good one, it becomes a little easier. What I suggest is not listening to your friends experiences, because every woman is different. No two woman are alike. Stop listening to your bro that says, "women will always be women". Whatever that idiotic statement is supposed to mean; its NOT true and never will be. The biggest mistake men make is listening to other men who think they know it all or think they have all the 411 on women. Sorry to break it to you guys, but I have yet to meet a guy who completely understands a woman. Plus, as I said before, no two women are alike. So you can't base one guy's opinion off of his experiences with women because they are all different.

I personally believe that men aren't meant to understand women completely. Just as we are not meant to fully understand men. There is some level of understanding we should have for each other. To get to this understanding, refer to your own experiences with women. Never have the belief that all women are the same. Never compare.

I'll leave you with some wise words:
     "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood" -Oscar Wilde

Getting back into dating

Dating. It can be so much fun or so much work. I've been single for a good while now. And I kind of love it. There are times when it can get boring or times where I wish I had a boyfriend to cuddle with and watch a movie on a Friday night. But all in all, being single just seems to be so easy that it makes me not want to put in work. 

For the longest time I felt like that. But now I feel like I'm ready to get back into the dating game. I'm ready to start dating again; ready to go out on the 'several dates' before you know if the guy is relationship material. When you're enjoying single life, dating seems like work. But in fact it's so easy to make it fun! 

Whats a typical first date night like for me? Well, as always I think I'm starting early by giving myself two hours, when in reality I always end up running a little late. Although if I really like the guy, I'm usually ready on time. Funny how that works right? I start off by doing my hair and make up then picking the outfit and the look. Choosing the right accessories, the right lip color, and the right shoes. Then it's waiting for him to pick me up or if I'm meeting the guy then it's waiting for him to show up at the destination. I have yet to go on a date where the guy is early. No surprise there, but man would it be nice if I could date a guy who is early for once. 

My idea of a good first date, is grabbing a coffee, dinner, somewhere where we can talk so we can get to know each other. Somewhere not too noisy. The last thing you want is to be yelling at each other at some loud bar. I'm not a difficult person to please. I like simplicity. Would it be nice to meet a guy who goes above and beyond? YES! That would be awesome, but I have yet to meet that dream guy. I like to think that if a guy was going above and beyond for the first date then he would take me somewhere romantic like a horse drawn carriage in the park downtown, then maybe somewhere with a to-die-for view of the city. That would be amazing in my eyes. 

Point is, I'm ready to get back out there, and I'm excited to see what comes my way. I'm going to make the best of it and if I meet someone amazing then great. Dating should be fun, and I have a feeling it will be. 

Instagram: jovi_casie

The New Tinder: Do you believe in Tinderella?

So Tinder got revamped today. They released a newer version of the app available for update. For those who aren't familiar with Tinder, it is a modern day version of online dating meets social interaction. When looking for matches you either swipe right for yes or left for no. Once you select yes to that match, if that match also selected yes to you then the next step allows you both to message each other. People use Tinder for dating, hook-ups, serious relationships, or just to find a friend to hangout with. Often people just visiting in town will look to this app to meet up with people that will show them all the hot spots around town.  

This morning Tinder upped its game by now allowing something called 'moments'. Similar to Instagram and seeing a Instagram-like feed. Basically you can now see real life moments from someone you were matched with instead of just their set of main pictures shown on their profile. 

While some people see this as a cool socializing app or an easy hook-up, others see this as an easier way of finding someone to date and eventually have a serious relationship. You may have heard of some horrible first Tinder dates, or you may have heard of a Tinder success story. I know people who have even found friends on the app and still remain friends today. 

Some may argue that Tinder is tedious but one would have to admit, that whatever the reason you are on Tinder, it works. With this update offered this morning, and after exploring the app myself, I must say bravo Tinder, bravo! The question remains.... Do you believe in Tinderella?