'Consciously Uncoupling' vs Nasty Break-ups

A good break-up is a lot less common now a days. How many people do you know, who can say that they had a great break-up with their significant other? How many good breaks-ups can you honestly say you have experienced? 

It seems that all we see on celebrity news lately is nasty celebrity divorces that take months and sometimes years to resolve. Or it seems like most of our friends around us only have bad things to say about their most recent break-up. Up until a couple months ago, no one had ever used the term 'consciously uncoupling'. Yes you heard right. When celebrity actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, were consciously uncoupling, the world seemed to gasp. Not necessarily at the fact that they were basically separating, but particularly at the term they used. 

I can say that most of my break-ups have never ended well. Usually, there was some anger or hurt on one end or the other. But why can't we seem to consciously uncouple from someone? A mutual sepertion and/or break-up that ends quite positively. A lot of relationships of my friends and family seem to have ended by someone cheating on the other or just someone not being happy anymore. Those seem to be the top two reasons why my friends and family in my life breakup with their significant other. 

Deep down, I think we all hope to have a good break-up. It really is as simple as saying "look I'm not happy, you're not happy, let's just agree to go our seperate ways or be friends." It seems so easy, and it really is. We just make everything difficult. Women are usually more emotional, while men are usually less emotional (although this can be opposite), and this is the reason why many break-ups go sour, bitter and just nasty. Bad break-ups are kind of like black licorice, it's twisted, dark and bitter. Some food for thought...literally. 

Metaphors aside, consciously uncoupling should be more common now a days. Maybe next time you're in a relationship and you're not happy or you see that the other person isn't happy, just consciously uncouple from them, and either decide if you both want to go your separate ways and never talk, or remain good friends. Not all break-ups need to be bad, and honestly, you can control that. There's really no need to publicly announce that your ex is a selfish a**hole, who's happens to suddenly be horrible in bed with a tiny penis. And there's no need to publicly post bitter and immature status updates to social media. 

We should all follow in Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's footsteps and do what they did. They are constantly in the spotlight as A-list celebrities, and they went the right route. They amicably broke up, continue to co-parent their kids, and the latest news is that they might even be back together. I just love that every time I see a TMZ clip of a reporter asking Chris Martin if they are back together, he doesn't say yes or no. Because it's really no ones business, and nor should anyones break-ups be. Keep it simple, keep it real, just consciously uncouple. Don't be bitter or psycho, just say hey, it was fun, we tried, and it didn't work. Simple as that. 

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Why men cheat

Recently I have read many articles on why men cheat. From facts and statistics to the writers opinion, those articles all had some truth to it. Also, why does society accept cheating? Is it because they don't want to mess up what they think is a 'good' relationship in their eyes, or are they in denial?

After doing a lot of research and even asking my friends a list of questions about their love life, I've come to conclude that there is no exact answer as to why. Obviously right? What I can say, definitively, is that cheating is sadly a 'norm'. But I believe that it shouldn't be. What constitutes a persons right to cheat on someone and not have the decency to just end the relationship before hand? I believe a lot of men are just selfish. They have their cake and they want to eat it too. I'm not talking about all guys, just the cheaters.

Whether your girlfriend is wonderful or a psycho, no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be cheated on. If you don't like her, break it off. If you do like her, then why cheat? A lot of men feel the need of masculinity and dominance; this dates back to the caveman days. This needs to stop. What gives men the right to act on an urge because they think it was their given right since the dawn of time?

I once dated a guy who had an obsession with having to talk to a female pretty much every day. Sadly, this guy still believes he has never done anything wrong and this guy has so many underlying issues and he refuses to face them and acknowledge them. He is in his late 30s, which means he will never change and I've predicted that he will never settle down, so far I'm right. While we were together, he was constantly on Facebook chatting inappropriately with other women, and always on these raunchy dating sites. It's like he felt like he needed self-reassurance. Yes, because a nasty looking woman said she liked you, you are almighty and powerful (beats chest). Do you get the sarcasm there? Anyway, this guy was obsessed with it, and he never deleted his conversations. Not to mention he tried to hook up with most of these women. 

I never really confronted him about it because a part of me was scared to at the time. Until the day we broke up, when I confronted him about it. He didn't even look me in the eye when I asked him to just tell me the truth because it was over already. He still denied it like a coward. As if it was his fantasy world or something. 

Funny thing was that I did some research on his past relationships and the relationships he had after me and it all came down to the same reason as to why they broke up. He always tried to find something he thought was wrong with the woman he was with and he tried to be an analyzer and play 'Mr. Fix It'. What's even funnier is that most of these 'problems' were not problems. He just had that need, again, to point out a very small flaw and make it into something big. And he would always tell the woman she needed to fix it or else they couldn't be together. Point is, he was a jackass, and he had extreme emotional issues since he was kid. He never dealt with them and it has affected his relationships through most of his adult life. After that guy and I broke up, a lot of family and friends said I would be 'the one that got away' for him. 

There are a lot of men who are in denial of their issues and for that reason, it will always affect their relationships. People will cheat and they will continue to. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and just tell yourself, "Love yourself, you're a beautiful and strong woman, and no person will ever change that, no person will ever define you, no person can ever hurt you unless you allow them to". 

It all comes down to this. Stop wondering why so many guys cheat and just focus on finding the one who won't do that to you. One thing I can't stand is when women post dumb and immature status updates or quotes saying things like, 'I guess I can't trust anyone'. Or 'All men cheat, I'll never find a good one'. Women who loose hope in finding a good guy are just people who give up. Or those women are probably immature and don't have a whole lot of self-love. (See a previous blog I wrote on 'self love and learning how to love yourself'). Men will cheat, there's usually not much we can do to stop it from happening. You just have to learn to move on from him and move forward without him. 

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Email: jovi.casie@gmail.com

Meet me in St. Louis...or maybe just San Diego.

Yesterday I went to the San Diego county fair with the family. Although, I always remember it as the Del Mar Fair. Going to the fair reminds me of one of my favorite movies... "Meet me in St. Louis".  The Fair is a big and fun occasion for my family. This year was the first year we went as a family since I was a teenager.  My whole family would go every year for as long as I can remember. I even have all the old pictures. 

This year, we decided to plan ahead and go as a family to celebrate Fathers Day weekend. It was a blast. We started out by walking through all the tented halls that hold all the sales booths, fashion, jewelry, home products, outdoor furniture and decor. They have everything you can think of. My parents love to go to find things for their home. While my brother, his girlfriend and I love to goof around like we're kids still and be silly. I love it. 

My brother and I both got the famous Rootbeer floats from Farrell's Parlour, a retro 50's inspired ice cream parlour that has the best floats, sundaes and waffle cones. Then we had Pinks savory hot dogs. A popular hot dog place from Los Angeles, specifically Hollywood area. It was my first time trying it, and it was the bomb.com! Dad had a huge turkey leg smothered in smokey BBQ sauce. Mom had a tuna sandwich, she likes to keep it healthy. Overall, we tried the food, sweets, dessert, and a couple fried foods. Needless to say we were overly stuffed by days end and slightly bloated! 

The fair is fun, entertaining, and just full of life. You see people from all ends of the world, different cultures, ethnicities; and I just love that there is no judgment, everyone embraces each other. After all, we're all here for the same reason, for fun, the delicious food, and the bonding time with family, your friends, or a significant other. 

When the sun goes down and the lights start to turn on all over, I'm reminded of the moment in "Meet me in St. Louis", where Judy Garlands character Esther, is fascinated by the light show at the St. Louis fair.  It's towards the end of the movie when her whole family gathers at the famous hometown fair and they are so fascinated and joyful. The ending line of the movie is by Esther. She says, "I can't believe it. Right here where we live. Right here in St. Louis." She refers to not having to take a train or stay in a hotel, but that this beauty is truely right there in their hometown. 

So as the lights turned on at the San Diego County Fair, I can say I was truely mesmerized by the beauty of that moment. I concur with Judy Garlands character. San Diegans are so lucky to live here. We honestly do have everything here. And the best part? We don't have to take a train or stay in a hotel. The fair is just a short drive away. As my family and I left the fair, I stopped and took one last look down the famous entrance strip. The lights were gleaming with joy, laughter all around me, people taking pictures, and the Farris Wheel at the very end, all lit up making for a perfect picture moment. It was a beautiful moment to capture as a memory. It was the perfect end to a perfect day with my family at the Fair. 

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Email: jovi.casie@gmail.com

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Getting back into dating

Dating. It can be so much fun or so much work. I've been single for a good while now. And I kind of love it. There are times when it can get boring or times where I wish I had a boyfriend to cuddle with and watch a movie on a Friday night. But all in all, being single just seems to be so easy that it makes me not want to put in work. 

For the longest time I felt like that. But now I feel like I'm ready to get back into the dating game. I'm ready to start dating again; ready to go out on the 'several dates' before you know if the guy is relationship material. When you're enjoying single life, dating seems like work. But in fact it's so easy to make it fun! 

Whats a typical first date night like for me? Well, as always I think I'm starting early by giving myself two hours, when in reality I always end up running a little late. Although if I really like the guy, I'm usually ready on time. Funny how that works right? I start off by doing my hair and make up then picking the outfit and the look. Choosing the right accessories, the right lip color, and the right shoes. Then it's waiting for him to pick me up or if I'm meeting the guy then it's waiting for him to show up at the destination. I have yet to go on a date where the guy is early. No surprise there, but man would it be nice if I could date a guy who is early for once. 

My idea of a good first date, is grabbing a coffee, dinner, somewhere where we can talk so we can get to know each other. Somewhere not too noisy. The last thing you want is to be yelling at each other at some loud bar. I'm not a difficult person to please. I like simplicity. Would it be nice to meet a guy who goes above and beyond? YES! That would be awesome, but I have yet to meet that dream guy. I like to think that if a guy was going above and beyond for the first date then he would take me somewhere romantic like a horse drawn carriage in the park downtown, then maybe somewhere with a to-die-for view of the city. That would be amazing in my eyes. 

Point is, I'm ready to get back out there, and I'm excited to see what comes my way. I'm going to make the best of it and if I meet someone amazing then great. Dating should be fun, and I have a feeling it will be. 

Instagram: jovi_casie

What happened to human interaction?

While at a Starbucks recently, I noticed something that made me instantly think that people really do need to put down their phones and maybe actually speak to the nice stranger that says hi. 

While sipping on my Venti Iced Passion Tea Lemonade and browsing on my ipad, I suddenly looked up and noticed my surroundings. There was a group of students at the table next to me discussing a book, I  overheard their conversation a little. They were having a really cool discussion, and I kind of wished I was part of this study group. The couple sitting in front of me were literally sitting in silence. Both on their phones, the guy looked around a few times as though he was bored. His girlfriend or wife didn't even notice because she was so 'busy' on Instagram. (When I walked by her to use the restroom I saw it on her iphone screen.) There was one person sitting at the bar area doing homework. One guy sitting behind me doing the same. And an elderly lady reading a book and sipping her coffee even further behind me. Randomly, there was a guy dozing off while listening to his headphones in the back corner. And not surprisingly everyone in line waiting for their drinks were looking at their phones until it was time to order. Not one person seemed to say hi to each other or even smile. As I looked all around me the only people who stood out the most was the group next to me. I was honestly fascinated that such discussions still take place. Why was I so fascinated at what seems like a common thing? Simply because it really isn't that common anymore. 

Why is it so hard for people to socialize in such a small area such as a coffee shop? I understand that some come alone to study, and I think there's nothing wrong with that. These couples or friends that come here to hang out but end up being on their phones the whole time, are just nuts. Yes, nuts! Because they can't interact with the person they came here to hangout with. 

So then something amazing happened as I was observing everyone. An elderly guy came in to enjoy his coffee. He ordered then walked by me looking for somewhere to sit. He found a single table in front of the group of students, so he was to my left but across from me. He must have noticed that I was observing. He smiled at me and I smiled back. A few minutes later, he walked over to me and politely said that he comes in to enjoy a small coffee everyday and that he likes to conversate with new people. Always being the cautious person I am, I was a little reluctant at first. He then asked if he could join me. I told him that I was writing but he could join me for a few minutes. He was really old, and he seemed like one of those nice old people that just wanna talk to someone because they're lonely. Turns out he was. 

He began to tell me about how he comes in everyday and he was widowed and used to come here with his wife when she was still alive. He said he still comes in for his coffee because he likes the company of others. I thought it was so sweet but sad about him loosing his wife. So then he asked me what I did and what I was writing about, so I told him I was a writer and blogger. He was so fascinated by it. I could go on and on about our cool conversation, but it would take a whole other story. The conversation lasted about a good half hour, and the guy was really nice and we had a genuine conversation.

I wish this kind of incident happened more often in life. Had I been one of those many other people too busy on their cell phones, I wouldn't have looked up, and I wouldn't have met a cool person and had that interesting conversation. My point is that we should put down our phones and tablets and iPads, and strike up a conversation.  As Einstein said, " I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." 

The New Tinder: Do you believe in Tinderella?

So Tinder got revamped today. They released a newer version of the app available for update. For those who aren't familiar with Tinder, it is a modern day version of online dating meets social interaction. When looking for matches you either swipe right for yes or left for no. Once you select yes to that match, if that match also selected yes to you then the next step allows you both to message each other. People use Tinder for dating, hook-ups, serious relationships, or just to find a friend to hangout with. Often people just visiting in town will look to this app to meet up with people that will show them all the hot spots around town.  

This morning Tinder upped its game by now allowing something called 'moments'. Similar to Instagram and seeing a Instagram-like feed. Basically you can now see real life moments from someone you were matched with instead of just their set of main pictures shown on their profile. 

While some people see this as a cool socializing app or an easy hook-up, others see this as an easier way of finding someone to date and eventually have a serious relationship. You may have heard of some horrible first Tinder dates, or you may have heard of a Tinder success story. I know people who have even found friends on the app and still remain friends today. 

Some may argue that Tinder is tedious but one would have to admit, that whatever the reason you are on Tinder, it works. With this update offered this morning, and after exploring the app myself, I must say bravo Tinder, bravo! The question remains.... Do you believe in Tinderella?