Why Your Twenties Matter

When you are in your twenties, I think there comes a point in your life where you have to just stop and examine your life. Where am I going? What am I going to do for my career? Am I going to get married and settle down right away? Should I just take a job that I hate but will pay me well? Should I have kids soon or wait until my thirties? Or can I just cruise through my twenties and then start life?

These are just a few of many questions that go through the mind of a twenty something year old person. As a person who is in her twenties (23 going on 24 in a few months), I know what it feels like to feel lost and feel somewhat stuck in life. It's an unsettling feeling and it can be very stressful. 

I see this most in the following two categories of people in their twenties: The ones who just graduated college or grad school and don't know what they want to do with their degree and are possibly still living at home. And the ones who go from job to job or have a mediocre job; are struggling to make ends meet and don't know how to go back to college or don't know what direction to go in. 

It can be really hard and even depressing. After reading an amazing book, feeling this way myself, and doing some soul searching, I stopped thinking that way. I'm going after things I want. I am working hard and saving up money, I have a 5 year plan and I will meet my goals. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take some time. But there are things I plan to accomplish before I turn 30. And I want to be at a certain place in my life by the time I'm 26. It's going to take a lot of motivation and a lot of focus. At the end of the day, it's all about determination, dedication, and devotion. I plan to succeed in all three areas. 

The book I read was an eye opener. Written by a clinical psychologist who was also a clinical professor at the University of Virginia; Meg Jay studied twentysomethings for most of her career. It was her focus and and she spent years understanding people in their twenties and everything about them and their lives. The book is called "The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now". She goes on about several clients she has over the years and examining the differences between clients in their twenties and thirties. One of Meg Jay's points is that so many people think that our thirties are our defining decade. But we are so wrong- it's actually our twenties that matter. Believe it or not, a lot of people believe the defining decade is their thirties; even I did. Until I read this life changing book. 

What stood out most to me, was that she speaks about how these defining moments are already happening in our twenties, and how most of us don't even recognize them. She goes on to say that the book is about recognizing these moments that define us in our twenties and how to make the most of them right now. For those who don't think our twenties matter, I urge you to re-evaluate that thought process and realize that they really do! Read her book; it really puts some things into perspective, and it will possibly change your mind set on your own life, as it did for me. 

Re-evaluate where you are in your life, stop and think about what's going on in your life. From your relationships with family members, your hobbies and interests, your friends, your career, and your goals in life. Trust me when I say you will thank me for introducing you to my blog and to Meg Jay's book, and you will thank Meg Jay also for writing that book. 

What I love most about her philosophy is that she thinks differently than your typical psychologist. She went against what most therapists would tell their clients and she expresses such strong and powerful beliefs in her philosophies on therapy. The following quote is one of my favorites from her book. 

     "The unlived life is not worth examining" -Sheldon Kopp

Every time I read it, I feel the power in that message and its meaning. It means that we shouldn't look back at the life we haven't lived, but only look at the life we can start to live.